Starting over

He was released from jail, and came home on January 3rd.  I felt like I could breathe again, but at the same time I was extremely anxious.

I was so afraid he would end up running into, getting a call, or getting a text from the person he’d been dating, and then we’d be right back to square one.

However, later I had a newsflash come across my feed, and low and behold, that person was going to jail for stealing credit card numbers from customers at the computer company they worked at, and stealing thousands upon thousands of dollars.

Good riddance.

I did manage to scrape the money together to get the car out of impound, but I was very hesitant to give him the key.

For the first couple of weeks, I had to know where he was going, what he was doing, and when he’d be back, and then when he did get back, I’d make him give the key back to me.  It’s the only way I could sleep at night.

After my initial paranoia, I realized I was going to have to put some trust in him.

He was an addict.  If he wanted to use, he would find a way.

I truly believe he wants to be sober.  He was so proud of his sobriety, and so proud of himself for it, and had worked so hard to get there, I don’t think he intentionally became an addict again.

I don’t think he realized what the consequences of what a ”single recreational use” would actually do.

His friend liked to party.  Liked to go to the casinos.  Liked to go drinking.

I know for the longest time, my son refused the drugs offered, but one night, they drank a little to much, and suddenly ”just this once” didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

The next day, he felt so shitty, he decided to chip to feel better… and thus began the vicious cycle.

That person had an endless supply, and basically held my son hostage with it.  Because everything is fine when you’re high, right??

Not to say my son was innocent, or didn’t know any better, but that’s how this person kept my son around.

After he got out of jail, he cut all ties with those people.

Our company wouldn’t take him back, so he was tasked with finding a new job to pay for these fines and court costs.

He started working with the local SPCA and loves it.  He runs the office and techs for the surgeon on spay and neuter days.

He did end up meeting someone else, and let me tell you, that made me nervous as hell at first, but come to find out, this one didn’t know anything about drugs beyond smoking a little weed on occasion.

That was one less thing for me to worry about, plus this one is so concerned with their career that I don’t think he’d do anything to mess that up.

Little by little, things are looking up.

My son is 106 days clean after his relapse and is doing well.

He has his ups and downs, and is still learning coping mechanisms and how to live life without drugs or users as friends, but so far he’s done wonderful.

I finally started to relax.  Now I don’t panic every time he walks out the door, or decides to spend the night somewhere else.

Do I worry about him relapsing? Absolutely.

I’ve known people 20 years clean who have relapsed and jumped down the rabbit hole full force.

It can happen at any moment.

But I don’t worry about it as much.

My son may have started 2020 in jail, but better a jail than a casket.

He still has the opportunity to live and do great things.

Thank God.