December

The first week of December, my son started acting strange.  His moods were all over the place.  Very emotional.  High anxiety. Low lows.

I expected he was using again, but I didn’t want to believe it.

He started acting even stranger.  Running down the street like someone was chasing him.

Climbing tree’s in the front yard at 2 a.m.

He finally came to me and admitted that he had relapsed.

I tried to help him when he came down.  I covered for him at work.  I thought we were finally on the right track..

But then I found out the truth.  The person he’d been dating was supplying him with meth.

It became a huge battle.

One morning, I woke up and the dogs started barking.  I looked outside and there was a strange car, so I asked my son if he knew who it was.

He said my other was son was out there with some girl.

So I messaged him and asked who it was.  Low and behold, the dopewhore he’d been living with in Oklahoma came to see him.

The one who had tried to throw him in jail.  Who had lied on him.  Who had caused all kinds of chaos between him and his family.

Needless to say, I wasn’t happy.

I walked out and opened the back door of the car and got in.

My son and I argued over what she was doing here, did they know how toxic they were together, did he have any intentions of getting clean and staying that way ect ect.

All the while, she sat in the passenger seat doodling in a notebook and saying nothing.

I finally grabbed her shoulder to get her attention.  I’m sure she was bruised when I was done. I said ”I want you to listen to what I have to say, and I want you to listen closely.”

She said okay, but kept doodling and wouldn’t look at me.

I snatched the notebook from her and said “listen hard.  If there ever comes a time where you get tired of this life, you get tired of getting high and chasing drugs all day every day and killing yourself, come to me.  I will help you.  I will put you in treatment and help you get on your feet afterward… but until that happens, if I ever catch you on my property again supplying drugs to my son?? I will fucking kill you.”

My son yelled ”MOM!!”

I said ”I told you not to bring her around here”

I walked back in the house, and they left.

He came back home later that evening.

I was exhausted.  The whole thing was taking over my entire life and my entire head.  I was drained.

The next day, he slept a little and then got up and acted as if nothing happened.

Something was still off though.  Something wasn’t right.  Call it mothers intuition.. I don’t know, but something didn’t seem right.

I was cooking dinner that evening, and he kept asking when it was going to be ready.  It was one of his favorite meals.

Then he left right as it got ready.

I messaged him and said ”this is ready”

He said ”I’ll be back soon.  Save me a plate.  I love you”

and then he disappeared…