The Battle*

What do I name it–that "thing" that I battle?

The Devil?  Ego?  Hormones?  Learned responses?  Uncontrolled emotions?

I think ego would feel most accurate.  But what even is ego?  Oh, who cares…

Was thinking about this on the way in to "work" this morning.  

Watching granddaughter, S, this morning, which is unusual for a Saturday.  Usually I work 7 am until 6:30 pm Saturday and Sunday at the Alzheimers facility, cooking up a storm for my old peoples.  Smiling.  But kids both had to work this morning, so they asked if I could watch S for the morning.  I will work 3 pm till 6:30 tonight, just doing the dinner shift at the assisted living job.

Have more to say about the battle within, ha.  But baby is waking up.  Time to go see her sunny smile good morning to her grandma.  Aren’t I just the luckiest?
*Heard this song on the way in to work this morning:

Alice Cooper – You And Me Lyrics
When I get home from work
Wanna wrap myself around you
I wanna take you and squeeze you
Till the passion starts to rise


I wanna take you to heaven
That would make my day complete
But you and me ain’t no movie stars
What we are is what we are
We share a bed, some lovin’ and TV, yeah


And that’s enough for a workin’ man
What I am is what I am
And I tell you, babe
Well, that’s enough for me


Sometimes when you’re asleep
And I’m just starin’ at the ceiling
I wanna reach out and touch you
But you just go on dreamin’


If I could take you to heaven
That would make my day complete
‘Cause you and me ain’t no movie stars
What we are is what we are
I tell you sweetheart that’s just enough for me


You and me ain’t no super stars
What we are is what we are
We share a bed, popcorn and TV, yeah


But that’s enough for a workin’ man
What I am is what I am
And I tell you, babe
You’re just enough for me


When I get home from work
I wanna wrap myself around you
I like to hold you squeeze you
Till the passion starts to rise


I wanna take you to heaven
That would make my day complete
 
This prompted me to think about inner battles.  I had already been thinking about why I choose to believe and immerse myself into the false movies in my head–to choose imaginary reality instead of what is really solid and real in the moment.  Why have I done this?  Because I have not known any better.  Because I have been sleepwalking.  Sleep living.

This morning, when I heard this song and really listened to the lyrics, I thought about what imaginary battles we go through to BE GOOD ENOUGH.  I think our battling for that false goal hides our real core loving self, which was good enough all along.

Geezery old Alice Cooper.

Hmmmm…