All Feelings

baby is sleeping right now
windy day, storms threatening, 77 degrees, muggy
older son and daughter-in-law have gone for the weekend for a seminar in her medical specialty
i am here until sunday night
miss M when i have to be gone overnight–i was here with baby all last weekend, too

lately feel so excitedly happy, but also very calm
feel like i have so much to write and record here, but absolutely no words to describe

level of understanding today is that all the spiritual, centering, loving concepts in the world will be applied with great error in my life if the core of me is not first working on self love and acceptance

in looking back at my path, realize that often i twisted principles of loving because defending was my subconscious priority

(no need to appear perfect, to myself, or to others)

interaction has been easier when i recognize my defensiveness

easiest when i can let go of illusion of need for defense

then i feel love shining out and that feels good