Young Life Crisis
This is my first entry, and I have no idea how to start this. I just figured that I should leave my thoughts and feelings open to the universe; maybe something good will come out of it. I don’t know why a stranger would be interested in an anonymous but candid glimpse into the life of a confused and rather ordinary adult (if I even qualify as that), but yet here I am, talking to you. I used to feel hopeless, and it affected absolutely every aspect of my life. Now I don’t know how I feel. I think i’m okay. Definitely better than I was. I know that for certain. Everything was supposed to get better once I got back into college life after a much needed semester off, and a transfer, but it hasn’t. I realize this was juvenile and sheer desperation on my part to think a new start would mean I could be truly happy and content. I think the only purpose school serves is to keep me too stressed and preoccupied to really intuitively think about what’s going on up there in that mind of mine. I have perfect grades for once, and classes I, for the most part, like. I found a major that I love and excel at, except it’s not practical… so my pessimistic nature can’t allow me to even have this small joy. Boring and rather depressing mentalities of adulthood have already seeped into my brain, and money is the first of many problems that control me now. I am riddled with thoughts of ineptitude that keep me from dreaming. So, here I am, stuck in a major I am not passionate about because it’s good for me (at least from a monetary aspect). But with finally getting my life together, working part time, and doing “well”, I feel really lonely and it unsettles me to my core. I should be great. I don’t know why I can’t get myself back to normal. What’s wrong with me? I want things to be carefree and simple for just one more moment. I desperately want to grasp at those memories of endless summer days and riding my bike for hours feeling excited and open to all possibilities. I find myself living in nostalgia, not wanting to face my future. It’s quite sad to think my best days are behind me at a young age like this. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life, although everyone seems so generous in bringing that to my attention, and I don’t know where i’m heading. I keep all of this to myself obviously, but I’m completely and utterly lost. I don’t know why society expects you to become an adult and instantaneously know everything. Whoever came up with this twisted concept needs a reality check, one in which I would be happy to give. I know there’s not an answer to where I should be at 20, in the start of the best decade of my life, but I can’t help but wonder if I am already wasting it. I’m 15 days into this new phase and I already think I’m failing my expectations of what my life would be like by now. Twenties are for exploration, adventure, and finding myself, and the only thing I’ve found so far is dissatisfaction and disappointment.
Welcome to OD!
I think you’ll find that a lot of people are in your boat, no matter what the age. And I submit that what you’re doing here is getting your feelings out of your own head, which is the first step to getting your sanity back about you…even if it doesn’t feel like that’ll happen for a very long time. It may come far sooner than you think.
I won’t write a book here, but just know that you have a community full of friendship, advice and You’reNotAlone-ness.
There’s nothing wrong with you…I’m betting you just don’t know what you want out of life and you’re searching for it right now. Don’t give up. It may take a few years, or it may take a week…you’ll find what you’re looking for and it’ll be a glorious day when you do.
You’ve made an excellent choice opening up. That’s the first step, even in an anonymous aspect. You’re safe here.
@tigerhawk thank you! I can see that this platform is full of notalone-ness and is a welcoming community. I appreciate the message. Very wise words.
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Hi there Gracieloo,
Welcome. If you need to talk, hit my journal up.
@moonshinemollie I will keep that in mind, thank you!
@gracieloo I’m Sammy btw. 😛
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Hi Gracielo,
this is the first post I’m reading in this platform, and I feel lucky for signing up!
I’ts good the way you can talk about what’s going on in your head. Although not pleasant at the moment for sure, hopefully you can get some helpfull comments.
I c
I can relate to what you are saying about the feeling of nostalgia. I completely feel the same way sometimes. Although my life seems great at the moment, i can get depressing feelings over things that happened years ago, and I have a longing for the way life used to be when I was a kid and everything seemed so easy and happy.
@edwardm thanks for your message! I’m glad, although slightly unfortunate your first post on here was mine which is filled with such turmoil and stress haha. But welcome to the site! And yes, I think everyone is tempted to lose themselves in Nostalgia. Definitely a tricky road to go down sometimes, it can leave people feeling depressed when their sole focus is on the past.
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You said you found a major that you love, but you’re not passionate about?? My advice is to find your passion and go with it, money be damned. I didn’t finish my degree until I was in my 50s and my Masters when I was 65. Both in theatre. At 20, you’re not expected to have it all figured out. The human brain is not mature until at least 25 and for some of us, it takes longer! 😉 You might have to change directions several times in your life. Remember, you only have to please yourself, not your parents, society, or some cosmic idea of the “right thing.” If I could do it all over, I would worry less and enjoy more. You are young…have fun, but definitely find your passion..the signs are probably there. You just have to read them.
@solovoice I am sticking with a major that I don’t have a passion for, in spite of finding a major I love but will most likely end up leaving me without a job and riddle me with student debt I will never be able to pay back. All of my friends have gone the sensible route of engineering, buisinness, and countless other career options that would make their parents dreams come true haha. So I think it just influenced my thought process about my choices. But you’re right. I should only think about myself, and not how my path might divert from conventional expectations. Thank you for the message! A young person should not be as stressed and void of fun as I seem to be. Hopefully, I can change that around.
@gracieloo I know about student debt. I have more than 200,00 of it. The only saving grace here is that, now that I’m retired, my income is so low they don’t require payments. I still hoping the Biden administration will forgive all of it, but I’m not holding my breath.
*$200,000
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