these mishaps you bubblewrap…

…when you’ve no idea what you’re like

title: let go – artist: frou frou

(this is sort of like a continuation/’ryn’ [‘regarding your note’ for the uninitiated] of the previous entry. this means, while this entry mostly makes sense on its own, there are a few references that will make so much more sense if you’re familiar with the previous entry and the notes/comments on it.)

We are under a constant barrage of media. Bright lights and billboards. Catchy tunes with sticky hooks. A slew of 30-second hard sells screeching every few minutes. News channels, news sites, newspapers. Magazines and books. Blogs. Phone calls, emails, text messages. Myspace. Facebook. All that and then some.

There are people that want your money, your time, your validation. There is a constant pull and a constant flood. And you, you’re in the middle of it all.

You get the option, and it’s one you can change at any moment you choose to, to be passive or active in your own life.

I can’t tell you where this quote originated, but I heard it from a favorite speaker over the summer:

Words and images determine the way you think.  The way you think will determine how you feel.  How you feel will determine the decisions you make.  Your decisions will determine your actions.  The way you act will determine your habits.  Your habits will determine your character.  Your character will determine your destination.

We’re often trying to change our habits or character or destination. Sometimes all three at once. Yet we tend to do this without backing up far enough in the manufacturing process to make a fluent change. Which makes it easier to give up on making a change at all.

The thing is, I concur, the brunettes out there aren’t waking up some morning, contemplating how they can go about wreaking havoc and destruction, and then perpetrating it on unsuspecting individuals. But, in all honesty, the brunettes have little to do with those situations anyway. By the time they roll up, they’re merely facilitating a means to an end. Because, really, cheaters leave their relationships long before they physically depart.

You can live your life as passively as you want to. You can let come what may. You can be carried along by the tide of popular culture, your friends, your family, your colleagues… whatever group of companies/people/past and/or present experiences have the most sway in your passivity.

And we’ve all engaged in bouts of passive living just like we’ve all opted for the Twinkies over the salad when we’re tired and don’t feel like putting in the effort for better.

But continually opting for passive living will get you the same crappy results in your life as continually opting for the Twinkies will get you in your body.

The really sad thing is that we’re often under the impression that the effort required for change is just so monumental or overwhelming that we can’t possibly muster up right where we’re at and live life the way we’d like.

Sure, living actively, living on purpose, living intentionally may require some effort at the beginning. But the reality is, once you get these things in place, it’s actually a much easier way to live than the passive stuff. Rather than being subjected to life and whatever it throws at you, you’ve got some control and momentum. And, yeah, there will be surprises, because no man is an island and there are other people involved. But, even then, because you’re not working from a deficit of insecurity and self-loathing (which are guaranteed to accompany passive living), you are able to maneuver like a champ and come out better than barely alive.

Those people we admire and like the most are the ones that live with the qualities and character that we all aspire to on some level. And sometimes we think or decide that those qualities are out of our reach. That the people that achieve consistent integrity, excellence and compassion are superhuman in some way. We’re glad they’re in the world, but we’re unsure we could ever join their ranks. We make excuses and we latch onto explanations that don’t require more of us, because we assume that what is required of us is so, so much more than what it actually takes.

Look, we’ve all been lazy and selfish and utterly horrible before. All of us. But if the words and images you loop in your head and surroundings are of your failures and the moments you were less than, you’re never going to break out of that.

You, completely regardless of the worst thing you’ve ever done, or even if you have a whole stack of them taller than you are, it doesn’t matter… you, right here, right now, are valuable. You are valuable. You are important. You are necessary. You are worth loving you, because you are worth being loved.

Stop punishing yourself for what’s already been done. Make amends where you can and forgive yourself there and everywhere else. Decide what kind of person you want to be and then be that person.

Words and images determine the way you think.  The way you think will determine how you feel.  How you feel will determine the decisions you make.  Your decisions will determine your actions.  The way you act will determine your habits.  Your habits will determine your character.  Your character will determine your destination.

I know it may sound self-helpy or cheesy, but I promise you, this works. If you do it. If you keep doing it, even when it looks like you’ve just relapsed. If you will stay with this, I promise you, it will work. It will always work. And it’s as simple as proactively changing what you are seeing and hearing and saying. Start small. Stay with it. You can’t fail if you don’t give up.

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