For [*Sprog*]

Carbonated Soft Drinks: Bubbly Goodness with the Fizz and the Whatnot

I’m fond of carbonated soft drinks. Not all of them, mind you. But I do enjoy a good, fizzy beverage now and again. It’s always interesting to find out where your friends and the people you date stand on the carbonated beverages, though.

Like, when it comes to the cola side of the spectrum I’m a Coke girl, through and through. Pepsi skeeves me out. I know this will disappoint some of you, but it does. I’ve gotten used to it at one point in my life, but once I’d had Coke a few times after adjusting to the Pepsi, I couldn’t bring myself to fully go back to Pepsi. I just… couldn’t. It seems like its carbonation-to-syrup ratio was off in favor of the syrup and it made me want to spew it forth from my mouth as the abomination it was/is. Okay. So that might be a bit melodramatic. But I find it full of the eww. I’m glad you enjoy it, though.

I once dated a guy who refused to drink "dark" carbonated soft drinks. Which meant he’d cringe when I’d drink colas or the beloved Dr. Pepper (I can’t stand Mr. Pibb anymore, it seems). I challenged him on this since he said one of the reasons he refrained was due to the caffeine, but yet he seemed to default with the Mountain Dew. And Mountain Dew has more caffeine than colas or Dr. Pepper. He tried to ignore my argument. But since he wasn’t importing his Dew supply from Canada, it stood solid.

We broke up eventually. It would make for a better story if I said it was because of the soda debacle. But it wasn’t. It was because his definition of love was that of a 13-year-old boy’s and he was 20 and had had enough time to grow, learn and know better and I was 18 and didn’t have the desire to experience the fullness and depth of the teenaged clichés of love and relationships any more than I already had. Plus he didn’t drink coffee, either. And that’s just crazy.

The boy that came after him was a few years older but still had a great deal to learn. He tried to convince me that some Grapefruit Squee (oh, wait, it was Squirt) thing was the best carbonated beverage ever to exist in our lifetime or any other. I tried to convince him that water wasn’t liquid evil and he should drink more of it, or, you know, just drink it, since he avoided it like it was ingesting satan. We both failed.

And while not drinking water is crazier than not drinking coffee, that wasn’t why that relationship failed. Even though he had atrocious taste in coffee, literature, cinema and music. The reason we didn’t make it was also a lifelong lesson he taught me: guys who adopt "nice guys finish last," or any variation thereof, as their credo aren’t really nice. They also don’t actually like women, let alone love them. You throw in a mega dose of passive-aggressive behavior and you’re wanting to remove your chunky heels (it’s what I wore a lot of at the time, that, and strappy sandals – I was into the extremes, apparently) and beat some sense into them. Or bludgeon them unconscious, whichever comes first.

I have noticed that preferences in carbonated beverages can bond (or divide) people like favorite books and bands and movies. I’m usually able to find common ground with most people. My taste in the fizzy stuff is nearly as diverse as my taste in music. I can dig fruity or cola or some of the more unnatural flavors that are out there. I appreciate insane amounts of caffeine or the complete lack thereof. But if you swear by Pepsi and/or aspartame, we may never be friends. At least if soda preferences are the kind of thing that can make or break friendships for you. And while I may understand that, I’m pretty sure we could find some sort of common ground elsewhere. Unless you’re going to lecture me on the discrepancies between the Lord of the Rings books and movies with Something Corporate as the soundtrack while we head to Niagara Falls, but miss a detour to get lost in Buffalo first. In that case, just get out of the car and go get yourself a tall glass of whatever sort of carbonated sugar water makes you happy and leave me alone.

(ed: Lord of the Rings isn’t awful. In that context though? It will make you cringe every time it’s advertised for a very long time. And hearing Jimmy Eat World [the other disc that got some play on these ill-fated adventures] will make you want to cry for many, many years whenever a few notes make it into your listening vicinity. So, perhaps elimination based on beverage preference isn’t such a bad idea.)