repeat of old feelings

idk that whole thing is hard and instead of getting better it just keeps getting worse. I know i had a right and perfectly good reason to be as mad as i was, but im tired of it, its old and over and now im stuck with having to figure out how to deal with it when being mad isnt there to fall back on… i guess i just never thought there would be a day when we really werent best friends, and as much as it pains me to say it (and trust me, its like shooting yourself in the face with a nail gun) i miss my best friend…. i feel like im missing out on everything, i hear it all second hand and i hate that..but then what can i expect, i made my bed and now i have to lie in it. we just keep bring up old times and it seriously makes me so sad to think about it, my heart hurts knowing that it will never be the same, but i just have to deal with it at this point i guess…i dont miss the drama tho, at all. i think it just got messy with 3 people, its better now that im not in it im sure, and im fine i just have to get over it…its just harder than i thought it would be and i dont know how to deal with it, not to mention im the only one with this problem so that makes it that much worse….i never thought i’d say this but i miss the girl, i just hope things are working out for her and shes doing ok.