one month today

today is ONE MONTH!! lol it doesnt seem like much but at the same time it feels like a life time. i cant believe i’ve gotten this far..i mean granted its the third time ’round but it must be the charm. i hope it continues, im going for one year, lol we’ll see how that works out. especially after next weekend. grant is coming up friday…yay? lol i mean i miss him kinda but honestly its like is it even worth it at this point? unfortunately i think it is, i love him, always have always will. he’s the second person in my life that i’ve really loved. somehow you always know when it starts that it will be a forever kind of thing. but we can joke about the past now and move on. its a bitter-sweet feeling to say the least but it at least gives hope for an even better friendship in the future. he’s a special guy, one of a kind and broken in so many ways but in the end he is who he is and thats the man i fell in love with. i wish him the best in everything, lol but im not afraid to call him on his bullshit. but then he’s not afraid to call me on mine either. today we were joking about nice guys and how he used to be one, i laughed and was a smart ass but he made the comment that that was the man i fell in love with… i told him that i only knew the nice guy for a week and then he became somewhat of an ass and i thought it was kinda sexy. of course he knew i was lying. i fell flat on my face the day i met him…the st.joe dairy queen…. god i was so nervous that day, totally not myself in so many ways….it took a couple times of us hangin out before i let my guard down some but even then i didnt fully open up until it was too late, not that it would have mattered im sure but o well right? but that first night with that first kiss… it broke through my walls and bullshit and hit me straight in the heart. lol how poetic right? reality is never that poetic however. the entire time i was falling i tried to hide it…. then later when i openned up about it and got totally rejected lol it seemed like ashley took that as a prime time to start "talking" to him and "haning out" with him… who knows if anything actually happened but a line was seriously crossed. trust is such a fragile thing. i was so pissed. but at this point its not worth worrying about anymore ya know? every minute you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back… but i love him still. i’ll never tell him again but i do…