I Witnessed A Friend Go Insane; Reunited Pt 2

Sigh. Writing this story is pretty difficult for me. My heart feels very heavy in my chest. But here is part two of “Reunited And It Feels So Good”.

After I shot Leo down for sex, he needed to run to the pharmacy to pick up something. He asked me if I wanted to tag along and I said yes. The passenger side of his Jeep had trash all over. He apologized and started to throw it in the back, really embarrassed. It actually made me feel a lot of relief because my car often looks the same way. I’ve dealt with depression for a long time and one of my biggest struggles is cleaning. Again, it was nice to not be alone when it came to an aspect of myself that I see as a flaw. Or perhaps it’d be easier to say, it was a relief to know I am not the only person with this particular flaw.

Leo put on pink sunglasses and we drove down the street. I thought it was both hilarious and adorable that he maintained a very macho vibe despite the fact he was wearing pink sunglasses. I told him funny stories and got somewhat of a laugh out of him. I could tell he was struggling. He seemed very quiet, more than I remembered and he didn’t laugh as much. It came and went, but I noticed sometimes he had to almost force a “heh”. I knew that bad anxiety makes it hard sometimes to feel enjoyment. I felt bad for him, he must feel a lot of anxiety, which I can relate to. When we got to the drive through of the pharmacy, an old song was playing on the radio. We both sang the same lyrics out loud, then shuffled awkwardly in our seats. We had an accidental moment there.

We got back to his house and talked a little bit more. I admitted to him that he’s the only guy I’ve had sex with that I’ve really enjoyed. “You’re the best I’ve ever had”, I said. He didn’t believe me. I told him that I’ve always felt really comfortable around him and I don’t feel that way around many people. He said the same back to me. He said that I was helping him by just being there, but I didn’t believe him.

He asked me if I wanted to see his bedroom. I knew what he was up to, but this time I decided to just go for it. After all, I missed having sex with him. He had a big bed, unlike years ago. He told me to lay down beside him then he kissed me. I pushed him away from me after a few seconds and I said “stay there”. He looked confused, as I sat up on my knees. Then I grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him down hard on the bed and kissed him. When I let up he grinned and said “You’re aggressive!”.

“Mhm.” I replied.

He rolled me over on my back and started kissing me. He put his knee in between my legs and rubbed me while I lifted my hips. Then he grabbed me by my pants and pulled them down. He took my shirt and bra off and started kissing my breast and sucking on my nipples. I grabbed his penis through his shorts, then I took his clothes off him. “Will you suck my dick?” He asked. I gave him oral sex, first by teasing the tip of his penis with soft kisses then gently kissing down the shaft. He then guided my head in an up and down motion while his breath became heavy. After a bit of that, I looked up at him, smiled and said “fuck me”.

He flipped me on my stomach and propped me up with a pillow then entered me from behind. It felt so intense I couldn’t help moaning very loudly. I held onto the wall with one hand and the bed with the other. It felt very good, but unfortunately I had trouble staying present. Due to the sexual abuse I endured when I was younger, I tend to dissociate during sex. I just kept telling myself to enjoy it and be present. I never told him that I have this issue sometimes. I told him to smack my ass and when he did he said “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?!”. I found this very strange, as the old Leo was rough without reservations. Anxiety, I thought.

I asked him to do me missionary, so he flipped me over on my back and entered me that way. After a few seconds he paused and said “Damnit I went soft” and awkwardly massaged himself to get hard again. I could feel his anxiety shoot up in that moment, and I just laid there. However, if I had it to all over again, I would gently kiss him and take it in my hands to help ease his embarrassment. Regardless, he got it up and he threw my legs over his shoulders and penetrated me deeply.

Again, I moaned very loudly. I was practically screaming. He kissing me a few times and I ran my hand up the side of his face and the back of his head. He said “Sorry, I don’t have much hair to pull.”. I looked at him softly and reassured him. After several moments, I told him that I was about to cum. My body shivered vigorously in pleasure and a few moments later he came as well. It was a moment I’ve always wanted to experience because I had a second orgasm the same exact time that he had his. We literally came together. He finished with one last rough thrust, then we composed ourselves.

He excused himself to the bathroom and I couldn’t help but think that he had a beautiful penis. I admired his naked body walk out the door, then I threw on my clothes. I walked out into the hall as he was coming out the bathroom, still butt naked. “Oh, you’re dressed?”. Then he went to his room to put his clothes back on. We smoked one last cigarette together and he read me a passage from his book. It was a man describing how he was always ashamed of how he looked but later in life, he realized that God created him perfectly.

I knew Leo read me that because he always knew how insecure I was about my body. It was so sweet, yet strange because the Leo I always knew was an atheist. When he was done reading he looked at me softly, his blue eyes glittering with the sweetest smile on his face. He told me again that I helped him and that he has never opened up to anyone the way he did to me that day. He said the anxiety caused him to have dark thoughts that he would never tell anyone. I said that I understood, because my own struggle with anxiety and panic caused me to have strange thoughts as well.

When he went to hug me goodbye, I noticed he had this look in his eyes. That look a man gets when he really feels something for a woman. It was so nice to be looked at that way. We said our goodbyes and I got in my car and left.

Until next time 🙂