gone for real

I guess soon I will be gone for good, for real. what do I have to show for this time of emptyness and loss and soullessness. I pretty much loss everything and loss myself at least a part of myself, a large part. I mean how fucked up do you have to be to take almost 2 years to recover. but I understand the silence, nothing was coming from staying in touch that just made the pain last longer. I’m sure for you also. but this isn’t just about all that although that was such a major event.

I’m leaving soon, in like a week, well the 18th but close enough, right. and I have no one to say goodbye to this time. which maybe isn’t a bad thing cause all the other times I had to leave and start my life over I always had to say goodbye to someone I loved, be it a girlfriend or a best friend whatever. I guess there are a few people I mean yea my family, and P and jess, but them 2 I know I’ll still keep in touch with. I know not like every day or anything but P’s not moving anywhere so he’s someone I’ll always chill with when I come back in town for holidays or whatever. so I dunno   

and now I’m not really sure what the point was to this entry. so fuck it.