This Shouldn’t Be Complicated

My cousin says to me:

mini jew314: …you turn 20 in about 2 weeks…
mini jew314: and there is something seriously wrong with that.
mini jew314: and with that, i bid you farewell, and a happy thanksgiving….you old geezer…
mini jew314: (btw…you’ll always be 12 to me :-))

It’s December now, 9 days left of the quarter, 9 days left to be a teenager.
Between now and then I have to write one paper about Machiavelli, one about Tempest/Hamlet/Faust, and three four-page papers dealing with various Russian stories, also I have a Nat Sci exam.  I’m not ready, not ready at all.  I want to crawl up into a ball and take long happy naps. 
Why is risk so painful?  I thought this was what I wanted, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough, so soon, strong enough to be held up to such standards.  I don’t want to run away because of this one thing, but if I stay, I will only end up where I started.  There is something about all this that is very strange.  I really do fall into the same patterns of behavior.  I do not change, or maybe I do.  I need some sort of advice; I need some Osburg to put all this into perspective.  Soon.  Very soon I will get to hear her tell me I’m an idiot, and then everything will be all right.  And if I get into this Athens program, the euphoria from that should last long enough to carry me through most of this.  End cryptic rant.
Good luck with finals to all!