Sleepy Head

I had every intention of writing earlier so I’d be able to produce a decent entry, but I’m afraid things didn’t go as planned.  Watching The Incredibles was more important… ~L~ I’m still not getting enough sleep.  Yesterday I was so tired I couldn’t even force myself to stay up to write anything.  I was actually in my mom’s room, laying in her bed talking to her, and I fell asleep in there!  (Not mid-sentance or anything, but still, it’s very rare for me to fall asleep in her bed.) So when I woke up a little later, I just stumbled to my room, turned everything off and went to bed!  Then I slept for about 9 hours or more!

I really need to make a little more time for myself.  Mom’s always wanting me to hang out with her, but then it ends up being about 10:30 before I’m able to get any time to myself.  Maybe I just need to make better use of my time.  Well, ok, that’s a given, so I don’t know, something needs to change anyway.  She wants me to come sit in the craft room with her, which is fine when I feel like being creative, or doing the regular organizing/cleaning thing, but sometimes you just want to do something else, ya know?  Oh, and it’s not fair, because her computer is in there, so she’s just doing whatever on her computer and wants me to be in the room with her!  Boo! (Ok, I’m just jealous because I want to be on the computer reading OD!)

I didn’t workout yesterday either.  I was really tired.  Mom and I went to this car dealership just to get some prices, we ended up being there for like an hour, and we both felt totally drained when we left!  This week sucks workout-wise.  Tonight though mom and I went for a walk in the park, and that was nice, even though it was starting to get dark, and it was a little windy, and it rained a little, the fresh air and everything was nice.  And we walked a lot faster than we usually do, or maybe it just seemed fast because we didn’t take the dogs.  They tend to slow us down, only because we’re constantly trying to make them heel, so we stop a lot and all that good stuff you’re supposed to do to make the dog walk right!  The walk was nice though.  I wasn’t really feeling up to kickboxing or the gym, I think just the air and actual walking and being able to talk to mom while we walked was perfect.  At least I don’t feel so slug-like any more.

Speaking of which, I’ve been so overly-aware of the size of my body recently.  I feel huge.  It’s making me crazy.  I think it’s because I haven’t worked out for a while, or maybe I’m going through one of those phases where I just feel fat.  Whatever.  I hate it.  I usually don’t have much of a self-esteem problem, so when things like this happen, it just irritates me.  It’s probably because I’ve been trying this meditation of putting myself in the place of being at my goal weight.  Trying to imagine that and be in that body.  It’s difficult, a little frustrating (obviously) but it’ll be worth it.  Really, it will be, I’m sure of it… (If I don’t make myself crazy first that is!) 

Oh, mom’s actually going to work all day Friday, and then next weekend she’s going to visit her dad and brother, so I need to figure out what I should do with my free time!  Maybe actually finish cleaning my room? When she’s gone next weekend, I’ll probably clean the house.  I don’t know why, but I generally like cleaning better when she’s not around.  Maybe because then she just gets to be suprised by the end result, or maybe because she can’t get frustrated with the mess you sometimes have to make in order to clean, and I can stay up as want and not have to be quiet, and she won’t yell at me for making her feel guilty becuase I’m cleaning and she doesn’t want to.  It’s so complicated, isn’t it?

I think maybe what I should do on a regular basis is give myself like 15 minutes a day to clean.  Set a timer and just do something.  That would be nice.   Then I need to go to sleep at some normal somewhat regular time, because I’d really like to be able to wake up earlier and workout in the morning, then it wouldn’t matter what happened durring the rest of the day, becuase that would be done!  (And it would be even better if I got a second workout in, which you know, was the whole point of the stupid workout schedule!)

Ok, I’m obviously a bit grumpy, it’s past my bed time!