Reveling in my Crush *history edit*

It occurred to me the other day that I don’t have much time left to revel in my crush.  I’m going to give Matt that valentine tomorrow night.  After that, I’ll either get to go beyond having a crush *fingers crossed* or I’ll have to get over it.  So be prepared to listen to me go on and on about how sweet and cute and nice he is, because it might be my last chance! (If it’s not though, and we end up together, be prepared for extended lovey-dovey mushy-ness that’s sure to follow!)

I was thinking briefly about finding out if he was going to come to class on Monday, because then I could put it off longer… ~L~ But I’d much rather get it over with! I don’t think I can live with my stomach being all butterfly-ridden for five more days!  Just thinking about it today was making me blush, and making all those little butterflies tweak out!  Yeah, there’s no way I could stand putting this off any longer!  At least I know I’m determined to follow through with this!

I was talking to mom tonight about all the butterflies, and how she needed to tell me something encouraging, then she couldn’t think of anything, so I was giving her a bad time, and we actually started laughing a lot, so that helped calm me down.  Then I said, he’s got to like me, right? I mean why would he have been concerned about me hating him if he didn’t like me? If someone called and asked me out, and I wasn’t interested, and purposely didn’t call them back, I would avoid them like crazy and not feel like I should apologize, or worry about them hating me.  And I definately wouldn’t do anything that might encourage them further, like hanging out with them and talking to them durring the entire Christmas party!

Things just didn’t work out before, and we only see each other at kickboxing, and the last time he saw me this summer I was with Jake. (Not Jennifer’s friend Jake, but Jake from CA who I met on line)  I’m sure he knows we’re broken up, since I told our instructor Addy, (It was Addy who first asked me if I liked Matt because he had asked about me, and that’s what prompted the whole phone call) so Addy probably told Matt, and if she didn’t, he’s probably noticed that Jake’s not around, and that I wouldn’t have been flirting the way I was at the Christmas party if he was.  So he’s probably just feeling things out to see if I’m still interested.  (Yes, I’m sure that’s it!)  Besides that, yesterday in class the first thing he did was come over and start talking to my mom and I. 

Now that we’ve established that he must like me, let me tell you why he’s so darn perfect for me!  First, he’s my physical ideal of perfection, not overly muscular, not too skinny, tall, but not too tall, brown eyes… ~sigh~  Oh, right, where was I?  ~L~ We went to the same college, and you’ll recall how much I love my school, also, my grandpa and uncle would like him for this reason, since they’re also alum.  He’s into wine, likes a variety of music, owns Christmas CDs (and is therefore a lover of Christmas just like I am!), and he gets along with my mom. (That’s pretty essential since she and I are so tight, not to mention quite a bit alike!)  Also, my dad would like him and approve, which I can’t help but be slightly influenced by.  And, should the need arise, as my dad sometimes loses his temper, Matt would be able to stand up to him.  Which also means he’s someone I could feel safe with. (I’m all about being a kick-ass chick, but I like a man who can hold his own!)  That’s another thing, I’m pretty sure that Matt is the kind of guy who would treat me right, but not let me walk all over him!

Now, for your approval, the letter/disclaimer I’m including with the valentine. (Don’t bash it too much, becuase I’ll probably have all ready given it to him before I get a chance to read your notes!) I know it’s a *little* goofy, but it’s totally my sense of humor, and pretty much how I would say it if I were to actually say it. (But if I actually tried saying this to his face, the butterflies would totally flip out and I would most likely vomit.  Stupid butterflies. This is all their fault!) Um, yeah, anyway, here ya go!

Dear Matt,

I know this is a little silly.  And I’m only doing it this way because I can’t have my friend pass your friend a note to give to you with the standard: Do you like me? Y or N  question.  Although this is all most as much of a copout, but not quite.  This is actually supposed to serve as a bit of a disclaimer for the enclosed valentine. Yes, a valentine, with a discalimer, because I’m weird like that.  And because I don’t want this admittedly overly elaborate valentine to scare you into thinking I’m some stalker with a fatal attraction level of obsession.

Yes, the word love is used, because it’s a valentine where important words like love tend to get thrown about carelessly.  Not that I’m generally careless about how I use the word, I just made the valentine without fully realizing that I would actually give it to you.  Basically, the point is, I don’t LOVE you love you, because I don’t know you that well just yet, so don’t let it panic you.  Oh, and I didn’t make up the little poems, I got them off of old valentines.

Anyway, I thought I should finally let you know how I feel, since I’ve felt this way for a while.  It’s ok if you don’t feel the same way.  Honest.  I won’t flip out, or hate you, or treat you differently or anything like that.  And you don’t have to explain yourself in any way.  (Just pretend the hugely elaborate valentine never existed!) I know it’s easier said than done, but I don’t want things to get too awkward.

On the other hand, my phone number is ******* I don’t have caller ID, and I screen my calls, so please leave a message.  You can also reach me at goddess_euphoria@yahoo.com (Though I suppose you’re more likely to use that to say you’re not interested, so never mind that!) Or, should you feel so inclined, my address is *****  (Lillys and orchids are my favorites, just in case you were wondering.)  

Here’s to taking a chance, Lisa

~*~*~

*fingers crossed*  Butterflies in full force… wish me luck!

 

 

Here’s a brief run-down on the history of the crush:

September 2004 – mom and I start kickboxing, shortly there after I first meet Matt, of course I like his looks, but at this point he’s just fun to look at.

April 21, 2005 – Addy asks me what I think about Matt.  I giggle and blush, and I think she’s just teasing me because she saw me talking & flirting with him the other day.  Turns out he was asking about me, and she asks if it’s ok for her to give him my number.  I tell her absolutely!

May 3, 2005 – I get tired of waiting for Matt to call, so I call him and leave a message with my number saying maybe we could get some coffee or go to a movie or something.

May 15, 2005 – I see Matt for the first time since I left the message, I ran into him at the grocery store.  We didn’t say much to each other, then the phone rings about an hour later, b

ut they don’t leave a message.

May 16, 2005 – Turns out it was Matt that called the other night, he didn’t leave a message because he thought I had caller ID and didn’t want to talk to him. He tells mom (because I was in the bathroom changing) that he’s worried that I hate him and must think he’s a real asshole.

May – June 2005 – I don’t see Matt in class for a while, so I drop it and try to move on.  (Though the whole time I’m  hoping he’ll be in class or thinking about him.)

June – July 2005 – Distracted by Dewayne the Dud

July – September 2005 – Joke of a relationship with Justin

November 2005 – Another joke with Jeff

December 2005 – Kickboxing Christmas party, he flirts a bit, I try to flirt, but end up tounge tied mostly.

January – February 2006 – Um, I’m not sure what all was going on here, probably I’m still hoping to see him in class.

March – August 2006 – Jerked around by Jake who I thought I was in love with. Matt has knee surgery in July and won’t be able to come back to class until January sometime.

November 2006 – He comes into the craft store where I work looking for some things for his 4H group, and comes back to the frame shop, where we don’t keep things like that, so he wanted to see me, right?

December 2006 – Another Kickboxing Christmas party where he definately flirted with me, talked to me all night, found an excuse to ask how old I was, and gave me a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night.

January 2007 – I go to one class on the 3rd, then there was a wind storm, and trees falling on our house, and my back was killing me, then I had to have my evil gall bladder taken out, so I couldn’t go to class the rest of the month.

February 5, 2007 – Back to kickboxing, happy to see Matt, he comes right over and starts talking to me (and mom, fine, yes, she was there too!)

February 7, 2007 – Approximately one year, 9 months and 17 days latter, I’m finally going to do something about it!