In Two Months…

I’ll be 29.  I’m trying to figure out how I feel about that.  I guess I’m really starting to think about how old I am, but I don’t feel all that panicked about it. (That’ll probably happen when I turn 30!)  But honestly, since some people still think I look like I’m 18, I’m not that worried about looking like I’m 19… ~L~  A lot of the friends I have now who are around 20 were really amazed when they found out how old I was.  Once I went to a party with my friend Jennifer, and one of the guys was complaining about being the oldest one there. I told him it’s all right, I’m the oldest now.  He laughed at me, and Jennifer said, no, it’s true! I was shocked when I found out how old she was.  And he says, so what, you’re like 23? I told him I was going to be 27 next month, and he made me show him my drivers licence! 

Another funny thing related to that… the guy I have a mad crush on, he teaches at the high school, so he was one of Jennifer’s teachers.  When I first told her about the crush I have on him, she’s all, "holy shit! You have a crush on Mr. Smith*!" (*name has been changed to protect the innocent! ~L~) Of course I had to remind her that he’s only 3 years older than me, and she’s like, oh, right, I keep forgetting how old you are!  So the only down side to actually hooking up with this guy would be that I don’t think he, or my friends he used to teach, would be all right with hanging out together.  It would just be weird (for them anyway, it wouldn’t bother me!)  Well, I could see them being all right hanging out in bar or something like that, but not at the parties that I go to with Jennifer.  They don’t get that crazy, but it’s just a different kind of setting… it’s that difference between how you act in a bar, and how you act at a party at your friend’s house.  I don’t know… I’m all trying to analyze it when it’s not even anything I have to worry about. (Not yet anyway!) *fingers crossed*

Speaking of the crush… I’ve decided that I’m going to give him that insane valentine.  I think when I was making it, I knew I wanted to give it to him, I just needed a few other people to tell me I should, and I’ve had about 6 or 7 people tell me I should.  Like mom said, what’s the worst that can happen? Me: "He files a restraining order against me and I can’t go to kickboxing any more!" *sob*  ~L~  Now all I have to worry about is how I’m going to go about giving it to him. Sometime next month probably, before valentine’s day obviously, and after kickboxing. (Since that’s the only time I ever see him.)  I’m going to force myself to actually give him a little bit of a verbal disclaimer. I can’t just write a note to go along with it, shove it into his hand and run away giggling… (even if I’d really rather do that) I’ll probably end up stuttering and sounding dumb, and I’ll end up looking just as stupid as if I would have if I’d just shoved it into his hand and ran away giggling… ~L~ I’ve got a few ideas about what to say, so I guess I should write some things down and start memorizing my speech! It would probably go something like this: "Um, I made this for you, and, well, it’s kinda silly, but anyway… um… so I promise I’m not phychotic and I swear I don’t know where you live…" THEN I’ll shove it into his hand run away giggling! ~LOL~ And I’d probably still include a written disclaimer to say that I promise I won’t be crushed if he doesn’t return my affections, and in wich case, he doesn’t have to make any excuses, and I won’t hate him or ignore him or anything like that. (and that I don’t LOVE him love him, it’s just a thing you write on valentines! And I disn’t write those corny poems!) ~but~ On the other hand, here’s my number, please talk to my machine, I don’t have caller ID, and I always screen my calls!

I have a really good feeling about it though. And my runes are totally in support of it. ~L~ (For those of you who don’t know what runes are, they’re an ancient alphabet that’s used as a form of divination.) *I’m not some new age wack job, I just have a strong interest in things like this.*  I’ve consulted them a few times about this crush (since it’s been going on for nearly 2 years!) The first couple of times the reading was to wait, it wasn’t time to move forward.  A few months ago, the reading was that I needed to get my own house in order before inviting more into my life. Last night, they spoke of new beginnings, a relationship that would be strenghtened by exchanging gifts, and the importance of airing my feelings.  The part about gifts really hit me, I mean sometimes it can be a little difficult to inturpret the meanings, but this one was really straight forward!  I sound like a nut job, even to me, and I’m into this stuff! ~L~

Hum, well, I started this entry out intending to talk about getting older and birthdays and what not, then it took a different turn.  Oh well! They’ll be plenty of time to cover all that later! I’m feeling pretty chatty today, I actually started another entry earlier today becuase I didn’t have to go to work until 3pm, I saved it to my computer, but it was really just a bunch of little random snippets of things.  My mind has been all over the place today!  I’ve been thinking about scrapbooking a lot, so I guess it’s making me think of stories to scrapbook.  Anyway, I really need to get to bed, it’s 2am, and even though I don’t have to work tomorrow, I do want to spend the day getting this room cleaned up! So off to bed with me!