I wish I were more impulsive

If I were, I’d be on my way to Spokane right now to be with Luke.  I want to call in sick, find out if there’s a bus that I can take up there, so then I could ride back with him, that would be the best. ~sigh~  I really, really want to, I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with him! 

I mean we’re talking about moving in together and talking about weddings (yes, I told him about the crazy lady spending $3000 on flowers and how my dress only cost about $200, and he knows I’m crazy!! ~L~)  Anyway, it’s just like we’re talking about all this stuff, which is fabulous, but we really should be spending more time together.  I really love him, I just want to make sure I’m doing the right thing this time.  I mean I thought I was so sure of myself before!  ~sigh~  Oh, add on to that how part of me is still being so damn cynical and wanting to push him away and bolt before I get hurt.  It’s really frustrating to find out that you have emotional baggage that you didn’t realize you had!  I guess that’s why the rest of me wants to throw myself into this so whole-heartedly.