Anxious (in a good way!)

I’m feeling much better today.  That’s slightly unfortunate, only because I’m probably not contagieous any more, which means spitting on my managers office door handle isn’t quite as satisfying… (Ok, no, I really didn’t do that!) 

I’m actually really excited because I’m getting over my cold all ready, and it’s now been 3 weeks since my surgery, which means I can now go absolutely crazy!!  Um, I mean, I can go back to kickboxing, and the gym! (I can even go horesback riding or swimming! Sorry, had a flash back to some kotex commercial/comic I saw once.) Anyway! (I do not get distracted easily!) ~s~  I’m a little hyper, I just hope I’m still as excited about workingout once I’m actually able to workout!  Also, I hope that I’m not so excited that I over do it and end up all sore for three days afterwords!

Work today was all right.  One of my co-workers, well, I guess in all actuality, she’s one of my underlings, anyway, she told me how she was just so bored when she closed last night because she didn’t really feel like doing anything and nothing was that pressing…  So when I closed tonight I put together five orders that are due for tomorrow, and started on some for Monday as well.  I don’t know how she can say there’s nothing to do when we have pages full of orders!  I’d say something to her, or even to upper management, but I’ve all ready tired that when she was doing the same thing durring Christmas when there were things that were over-due that she should have been doing.  Basically, no one else cares, so all I can do is work around it.  (They are going to be so screwed when I leave…)  Oh well, I was able to do all that and get my paperwork done on the orders that came in today too, so I’ll just be content knowing that I rock! ~L~

The other thing I’m getting all in a tizzy over: the up-coming giving of the crazy crush valentine.  I’ve decided that it will either the 7th, the 10th or the 12th.  I want to go back to kickboxing first, and at least see and talk to him again, (I haven’t done either since the Christmas party) and well, give him one last chance to make the first move before I spring this on him.  I have kickboxing Monday, Wednesday and Saturday, so it depends on which day I see him.  I definately want to give it to him before the 14th, you know, just in case things actually work out, so then I’ll have someone to spend valentines day with.  Bloody hell, I think I’m going to be amazingly crushed if not.  I think more than thinking about what to say when I give it to him, or what to include in the written disclaimer, I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to deal with it if he doesn’t feel the same.

I really want to be able to say in that discalimer that if he doesn’t feel the same I won’t  treat him differently, or hate him, or be crushed.  But I’m really concerned that I’m going to be devastated.  Though I suppose I’ll have some time to deal with that, since whenever I give it to him, there will be a day between then and the next class so I can re-group.  In the disclaimer I’m going to say that he doesn’t have to say anything or explain at all if he isn’t interested.   And I’ll say that I’ll just assume that if he hasn’t called to ask me before the next class, I’ll consider the issue closed and that will be that.  It sounds a little cold and business like, but I’ve found that I deal better with things that can tear me apart when I can be more distant about them.  And honestly, if he were to bring it up to say he was sorry, well, more than likely I’d start crying, and that just wouldn’t be cool.

I’m really fighting the urge not to start getting all dismal about this.  I guess in a way it’s like if I expect the worst case scenario, then nothing will throw me later.   Actually, it’s kind of strange, I’m either feeling way too excited and hopefull, or I’m thinking this is going to be a disaster!  Then most of the time when I think about it, I try to distract myself.  Of course, here I am, thinking about it.  I just don’t want to give myself a chance to talk me out of doing it!  Well, at this point, I’m pretty intent on going through with it.  The only thing that would stop me now is if the next time I saw him he mentioned a girlfriend or acted rude to me, neither of which I think would happen.

Ok, now I’m definately over-thinking it!  That’s it! I’m going to bed!