All Most Over It

Today worked out just as nicely as I had planned. I got up around 8:30, got to the gym at 9, did 45 minutes on the elliptical machine, came home and had breakfast, took a nice warm shower, then went to my massage.  The lady I had did a good job of working me over, so it wasn’t exactly relaxing, but my muscles did needed it!  After that I came home, did my OD reading and my noting, had lunch, then went to work. 

Ok, I realized I’m just listing off what I did, so boring!  I’m tired! I think I’ll have to make this short and tomorrow I’ll write about some insightfull things or at least be more entertaining!  I guess since this entry is all ready kinda sucky, I’ll add in some additional Matt thoughts… ~L~  (I really, truely am annoying myself!!)

Actually, I was telling mom how I was annoying myself and she was like, yeah, you’re starting to annoy me too! ~L~  Though the thing is, I’m realizing that I don’t really think I want to talk any sense into him. I mean do I really want to go on a date with this guy who’s all ready made up his mind with this stupid theory?  Not so much.  Obviously, if he feels that way about things, and he’s not willing to get to know me, then why would I continue to think that I want to date him? (Well, other than the fact that I spent about two years crushing on him and deciding that he’d be all perfect for me! – Shows what I know huh?)  Actually, considering that, maybe it’s a good thing it didn’t work out, since I spent all that time thinking he’d be all perfect, he probably wouldn’t have been able to live up to my imagination!  And besides, he’s got a cat.  Not that I don’t love cats, in fact, I love them so much that I will let them climb all over me and I’ll snuggle up and love on them while my nose is stuffing up and my eyes are watering!  Yup, I’m allergic.  So you know, if I’d dated him, and been at his place, I would have been all allergy stricken the whole time!  (And that my friends, sucks!) 

Basically, I’m finally starting to think more along the lines of, "hey buddy, your loss!" and moving on. Good for me! (And all of you who are sick of hearing about it! ~L~)  The only down side is, this kinda makes me want to go on another boyfriend hunt, and I’m annoyed with those too!  I used to spend most of my time on-line on dating sites and in chat rooms, but the thing is, I want to lose some weight and be really happy with myself before I date again.  Even though I’m over the whole "oh, I’ll settle for you because I’m fat and lonely, and it’s not like I can do better" thing, I sometimes will settle becuase the guy lives close by and I can go on a date!  Then later I’ll think, huh, that was dumb, if he lived further away, I wouldn’t have even kept talking to him on-line, much less agreed to go on a date with him!  Ok, and I still have trouble accepting that a guy could love me the way I am.  Don’t get me wrong, I love myself and think that I’m worthy of being loved, but since I’m not completely happy with my body, I can’t fully accept someone else being happy with it.  (Does that make sense?)  Then I’ll think that if a guy is attracted to me how I am, he’ll either want to keep me this way, or he just won’t be as attracted to me when I’m thin…  Or something like that.  I guess really the point is, I want to get thin because then I’ll be completely comfortable in my skin, and I won’t feel like I have to settle for anything, and then I’ll be all annoyed becuase guys just want my body! ~L~  (There’s a future rant to look forward to!)

Anyway, I should say that I really did have a lovely morning.  My workout was fantastic, I was so proud of myself for getting up on time and being there!  I worked up a good sweat, and I did 45 minutes, so I was very, very pleased with myself!  For breakfast, I had oatmeal with toast and some Tazo ‘Awake’ tea, it was all very yummy and filing, and healthy!  And of course my massage was wonderful, and I felt like she did a really good job working me over, and even though I didn’t get to fall asleep in the middle of it, I was happy I was getting a massage!  Work was all right, I wish I’d had more time to get things done though, I don’t like leaving a bunch of stuff for Bill to do that’s due for that day!  I did the best I could do though, and it’s tough doing everything when I’m the only person there to do it!  Anyway, I didn’t want you guys to think I was just like, oh, whatever, here’s what I did, but the whole time I was thinking about the stupid boy, because that’s not the case at all!!  I don’t really think I thought about him much today, other than telling mom how I’m annoying myself with it!  (Ok, so that probably means I thought about it a little, but I swear, it wasn’t constant!) 

Ok, I guess I wasn’t too tired to write, I just had to get past the Matt thing (again!) before I could focus on anything else, then I got all long winded!  Though it does sound like I’m on my way to being over it, so bear with me, shouldn’t be too much longer now!