Sex Fight

Ok, most important thing first…Baby is feeling much better. It’s such a relief to have her acting like her sweet little self again. Thanks for all the nice notes. 🙂

So, the sex fight…

I’m pretty pissed off at Noah right now. I’m incredibly exhausted today, after a few days of dealing with a sick baby. I barely slept last night, because even though Baby actually slept great, I felt the compulsive need to check and make sure she was breathing every 5 minutes for most of the night. Totally my fault, but whatever…from what I understand, this is kind of a normal thing for moms to do.

Anyway, tonight I got her to bed, and then went to cuddle up on the couch with Noah. I was curled up in his lap, and (I thought) just enjoying his company, talking a little, etc. And when he was clearly starting to move toward doing more, I told him I was really tired from taking care of Baby and asked if I could just rest with him for tonight. I thought that was a fairly reasonable request.

Apparently it wasn’t. Never mind the fact that since we started having sex again after Baby was born, I can count on one hand the days when we haven’t had sex. Never mind that during the time when I wasn’t allowed to fuck him, I sucked him off all the time and did everything I could to help him out. He’s stressed out from work stuff today and wants sex, and apparently by having ONE night when I’m too tired, I’m showing that I don’t care about him. What the fuck?

I tried to have a rational talk with him, and told him that I love fucking him, and if on the rare occasions when I’m not in the mood I feel like I have to force myself to do it, it’s going to feel like an obligation. I made sure he knew I was just physically tired from taking care of Baby while she was sick, and it had nothing at ALL to do with how I feel about him, or something. At which point he just kind of sighed and said "yeah, it’s always about you, isn’t it." And went to bed.

I’m fucking livid. I have NO idea where this came from, he’s never acted like that at all before. Granted, I’ve never outright refused to fuck him before, so maybe that’s why I haven’t seen this. I don’t know. And I feel horribly guilty now, and like I should have just fucked him, because I’m sure I probably would have gotten into it and enjoyed it, and then he wouldn’t be mad at me. But I don’t like feeling like it’s something I have to do. I don’t really feel like he has any right to make me feel bad for being tired and just not in the mood. I mean, the times in the last couple months when we haven’t had sex, it’s because HE was tired, and it wouldn’t have occurred to me to make him feel bad about that!

I really don’t even know what to think about this, honestly. I feel like I’m probably in the wrong, because he doesn’t usually get mad at me over nothing, but on a rational level I really can’t see what I did wrong.