New Year

I don’t like to do resolutions, because I kind of think if something isn’t important enough for me to just start working on it when I think of it, then randomly deciding to do it on this particular day isn’t really going to make it happen. But I do like to sort of think about the next year, and what I hope will happen.

I’m trying to think of what my hopes/goals were last year, but at the time I had no idea I’d be having a baby this year. She kind of changed the year a lot!

I’m sure one item on my list was "stop sleeping with Noah" (since at that point he still had a girlfriend, and I was feeling pretty awful about it). I actually spent last New Years Eve alone, because I was feeling like crap about being the "other woman," and we had a bunch of mutual friends, and I didn’t want to run into them at a party, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he’d be kissing her at midnight. So I had a very depressing night by myself.

This year I did at least make it to a party, but didn’t last very long, because I realized that I didn’t actually want to be out, I just sort of felt like I should go so I could say I was at a party. And when I realized that, I realized it was stupid, so I went home. Noah stayed at the party a little longer, but came home by 10 or so because he said he wanted to be with me and Baby at midnight…and then he fell asleep within like 5 minutes. Which I was actually ok with, because I ended up spending my night cuddling with Baby and talking to Mike, and decided that I just wanted to kiss Baby at midnight, since she’s the only one I can really promise to spend this year with, and mean it. And I actually had a pretty decent night, because I love talking to Mike….I really fucking love him.

I think my biggest goal for this year needs to be "figure out what the hell I’m doing."

I can’t remember any of the other things I thought about last year. I think most of them were work-related, and since I’m no longer working it’s safe to say I didn’t meet any of those goals. 🙂

So 2012 was in no way the year I expected to have, but I got my amazing little baby out of it, so it was a pretty good year. I honestly feel like a different person than I was a year ago.

I’m pretty excited to see what happens in the next year. I’ll get to see how this whole staying home with the baby thing goes. And by the end of the year, I figure I’ll either be married, or I’ll have run off with Mike. Either way, should be interesting.