More…

…on my work dilemma.

I’m leaning toward quitting my job. It feels like the right thing to do for me and for Baby right now, but I just don’t want to make that decision and then regret it like crazy in a few months!

(I hope none of what I’m about to say offends anyone. I think most moms really try to do what’s best for their own kids, and I’m really just trying to think of what’s best for my particular situation, not passing judgment on anyone else.) 

So, I got a few notes saying somewhat the same thing, that putting Baby in daycare might be hard for me, but it would be good for her, that she’d get "socialization" and more interaction there than she would at home with me, and that having her spend some time in daycare would make her less dependent on me or clingy. And a couple notes said it would be good for her to see me working. I feel like responding to these notes (all left by men, for whatever reason).

First, the bit about socialization. She’s 1 month old. Babies don’t play with each other!! The most important socialization she can get right now is one-on-one contact with an adult (mimicking facial expressions, hearing voice cadence, etc.), and she’s getting WAY more of that type of interaction with me than she would at daycare, where the adult’s attention is divided. Plus, when she does that type of interacting, I would so much rather it be with ME than with a stranger, because I want her to be able to trust that I’m here for her, and know to look for me when she needs something, rather than looking to any adult who will smile at her.

The dependent/clingy part….I don’t know, I guess I just don’t see it that way. I truly don’t think you can "spoil" a baby with love and attention. She’s kind of clingy, and she’s supposed to be! She’s not capable of being bratty or manipulative yet, she’s simply expressing her needs (by crying), and getting those needs met, and in that way she’s learning to trust. I think it’s beautiful. If she’s wanting to be loved and held by her mom right now, I want to give her that, not hand her off to someone else and tell myself it’s good for her to learn to do without me. She’s going to want her independence way too soon as it is, I’m sure.

So I guess I don’t see daycare (at this age) to be a positive. I get that not everyone has the luxury of being able to make a choice, and I don’t think that daycare is harmful to a child or something. I just definitely don’t think it’s better, and if I have the ability to give her the one-on-one time that she wants and needs, then I should.

The part about how it’s good for her to see me working is a little more complicated, but I guess I also disagree with that. I mean first of all, I’m not talking about being a stay-at-home mom until she’s in high school or something. I’m really just considering it for the next year or two, while she’s really little. When she’s in school, I’m sure I’ll want to work. So most of her childhood, she’ll have a mom who works. But all aside from that, I don’t really know that it’s so "important for her to see me working." Why is that somehow better than having her see me devote myself to her? Whatever I choose to do with my own work situation, she’s going to be raised believing that she can grow up to be whatever she wants to be, it’s not like taking time off work suddenly means I’m going to teach her that women belong in the kitchen or something!

….I don’t know who I’m trying to justify it to, really. I guess I’m probably just trying to justify it to myself. Because I definitely want to be home with her right now, and my only worry is that I’ll come to find out it was a bad decision and then I can’t go back. Sometimes it sucks to have to make decisions all by myself (Noah pretty much said he’ll support either choice, and that it’s up to me. Which was nice, but unhelpful).

I just think that getting to be with me is what’s best for Baby. So maybe it’s not as complicated of a decision as I’m making it.