Decisions

This is what I meant to write about last time.

Noah has an interview next week, for a job in another city. Neither of us is really sure about the whole moving thing, but we figured it couldn’t hurt to at least take the interview, and then we can see whether there’s even a job offer to make a decision about. But I’m nervous.

I never know how much to say about his job in here, because I try to be pretty careful with his personal info when he has no idea he’s being written about. But I guess I can make this friends-only and be vague. 🙂 So generally, he’s a software engineer, but he much prefers web design. But web design doesn’t pay nearly as well, so he’s dealt with that by having a full-time job in software (actually, he mostly manages people right now) and having a little web design business on the side, mostly for fun (but his mostly-for-fun job takes up nearly all of his free time, so when he’s home he’s almost always working. I love that he’s passionate about his work, and definitely don’t mind that he makes good money, but I do wish he had just a bit more free time.

So anyway, I’m not sure exactly what the new job would pay, but he has a few friends who work for the company (former coworkers who moved there in the last couple years) and from them he’s gotten an idea for what the salary would be. And he’d most likely make more at that job than he does right now with both his jobs combined. Plus, it’s a smaller city with a much lower cost of living, so just the money alone is really tempting. I’ve looked at some houses there, just out of curiosity, and for less than we pay now for our little apartment, we could have a nice big house with a yard, garage, etc.

But I’m not sure about the move. Coincidentally, the city where we’d have to move is where I used to live (it’s where I was living at the start of this diary). It’s kind of a good and a bad thing, I guess. It’s a great city to live, and in a lot of ways, a better place to raise a kid. I have a friend there with a baby nearly the same age as mine, and a few friends I wouldn’t mind getting back in touch with. But there are also some bad memories there. And the possibility of running into my ex….which I realize is something I should probably just be ok with, but I’m not sure I am. I kind of think if I’m starting over there, with a baby and a totally different outlook on life, it should be fine. But I won’t know that until I get there.

So I don’t really know how I feel about it. Neither does Noah, for different reasons. He’s never lived anywhere but our current city. In a lot of ways, he really wouldn’t mind leaving some stuff behind (he still avoids certain areas entirely, because there are people he says would love to kill him if they had a chance. I’m not sure how much of that is just him being paranoid, but I guess I don’t really want to find out). But he has a lot of friends here, his sponsor is here (not that he couldn’t get a new one, or just stay in touch with his current one or whatever…I don’t really know how it works), and his mom is here, which I would count as a negative but I guess it’s important to him to at least have a bit of a relationship with her.

But he seems excited about the possibility of the job, and really likes the idea of buying a house and having an actual neighborhood for Baby to grow up in. And I kind of like that idea, too. But I don’t know. And he said he won’t take the job unless he knows I’m totally on board with it. And a part of me worries that I have no business having any say in any of this, when I’m still so unsure about everything. But as far as Noah is aware, we’re getting married in a few weeks and whether I’d move with him isn’t even part of the question…it’s just whether we all move, or we all don’t.

Anyway, just needed to write some of it out. It’s weird to think of moving again, when I was finally starting to feel like this city is home.