Jan/Feb

Every year, I deteriorate in January and February.

I’m fine until it hits.

It is the same every year. I start to believe that EVERYONE is against me. No one likes me anymore. I don’t know what I did.

Am I too annoying? Am I boring? Is my happy demeanor somehow ridiculous? Did I mistake your kindness as something it isn’t? Were you just humoring me?

It builds. I start losing motivation bc I don’t feel anyone is supporting me (all of this has exception to my husband. He is so constant… I can’t believe it).

Then, I get so upset and sad by February that I do something about it. I blow my life up. I leave. I detach.

It’s easy to just say, “oh no, well now that you know that, just don’t do it!”

LOL. Yeah that’s not how it works. Because it could be that this time I’m really not getting it. I’m really hanging onto people that don’t want me.

…somehow.

I’m nothing but nice. I do nothing but listen. I don’t talk a lot about myself because I feel like I’m boring. I don’t want people to think I have a huge ego. I can talk to anyone that exists because I have great people skills. I’m the type that just walks up to someone and initiates and then makes them feel comfortable when they have questions about things.

So why do I feel like everyone is punishing me in Jan… And Feb.