Wine and death

That about sums up my life right now. I know i chose to work in haematology. I know I love end of life care, it sounds weird to say I enjoy it, but I do. I get great satisfaction knowing I’ve given families comfort in their final moments. But my god the amount of deaths I deal with. I know I make a difference to my patients and my families. The press reports that nurses don’t care anymore – they should visit my ward. We care. The media drives me crazy. If they think the majority of nurses don’t take little bits of their patients home with them then they’re crazy. Yes there are nurses who lack compassion. Yes there are nurses who shouldn’t do the job.

But we, we care. We cry with our families, we cry for our families. Today I was with a family when their brother/husband/uncle/father died. I hate being in the room with a family when their loved one is dying. It feels so invasive. And when I was over one of my colleagues asked me if I was sad. She said I looked sad, like I could cry. I said I felt like I could cry, that a man had just died and it was sudden and i witnessed that.

I love my job but there are days when it takes it’s toll. There are days when it seems like going back the next day is the hardest thing.

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