scan day

 dan’s kitchen, him cooking, music on, drinking wine.  that was last night, and it felt like it was exactly where i should be.

mum’s scan was clear.  thank god.  the woman is so reckless with her health it drives me to distraction.  she says the doctors will be talking about her if she’s there all the time, like she’s neurotic. the fact that she had a genuine health concern, or i had a genuine concern for her health, didn’t seem to cross her mind.  the fact that she never goes to the doctors also doesn’t seem to register with her!  but she’s fine at least, thankfully.

i also went to the hospital with jenna for her baby scan.  she’s gotten herself knocked up by pete again.  pete the dick who has six kids at least, all by different mothers, who he never sees.  pete who cannot have boys because of some sperm thing that he has, who has now shacked up with some woman and her three kids, none of whom are his.  pete who said to jenna that he’s with this woman because she’s got the son he always wanted, the son he should have had.

from a selfish point of view, seeing that little baby on the monitor was like a miracle, i’ve seen a lot of scans but never a baby scan, and it was magical.  from the point of view of a friend, god only knows what she was thinking when she decided to sleep with him again.  she’s 14 weeks along.  she’s on her own, living on benefits, and has grace who has just turned two.  her parents are going to murder her.  they didn’t want her to have grace.  obviously now that she’s got her, they wouldn’t change her for anything, but it’s a bit of a slap in the face for them given that they’ve done so much to help her get on her feet.

they’ve spent an arm and a leg on that child.  plus they’ve spent an arm and a leg on the house for her.  they’ve decorated it for her, they’ve bought her all manner of kitchen appliances, which obviously don’t come cheap.  from a point of view of the difficulty of having two children under three, the only saving grace is that grace will be starting nursery around the time that the baby is due so that will give her some reprieve.

i still have no idea what she was thinking.  my mantra since she discovered all was well with the baby is ‘i can’t believe she’s having a baby.’  it’s purely from a situational point of view.  it’s just not ideal.  i know so many people are single parents and manage so well, but i can’t imagine what her parents are going to say, how much support they’re going to be willing to give.  grace, fair enough, was an accident, but i can’t imagine they’ll see this second baby that way.  i’m her only friend that she keeps in any kind of regular contact with, and the only friend who really sees much of her and grace.

lisa, our friend who lives in london, has known jenna as long as me, since our playschool days, 25 years or there abouts.  i text her to tell her yesterday, and she said i was a good friend for being there for her.  part of me just feels sorry for her, it can’t be easy with such little support, and she is my friend.  she’s not always a good friend, i’ll grant you that, but i am the person she always calls upon when times are tough. i know that probably makes me a mug for being the one who picks up the pieces every time, but she’s a very old friend, and grace is my goddaughter.

so i guess now we’re just waiting for her to tell her folks.  i can’t imagine how that’s going to go,

xx