Trust no one~~

I am in one of those modes tongiht. The kind of mode that I wish it was friday night, and I was down at the local bar, surrounded by three good ol friends, sitting there drinking beer, making bets to see who had the best shot at the redheaded bartender serving use beer and smiles. Then I realize that it is monday night, the Spurs lost, I kinda picked a fight with D, and tomorrow I have to go back to work. From high to low that fast, yeah I know I have no life.

Thru this darkness, comes a glimmer of hope. Well somewhat. lets see…jury duty got postponed till the 19th of May. Well I have to call on the 18 to see if there is even going to be any court jury duty service for that monday. I hope they lay me off for another two weeks. Then I will be one month into this ordeal. In Texas, not sure about other states, but if you are a prospected Jurier, you are basicly on call for a period of two months. Sucks, all the hurry up and wait. Was I ready for it, sure. I kinda wish I could have gotten it out of the way, instead of dealaying the inevitable. Oh, well if it is today or tomorrow, heck lets do it tomorrow. LoL.

I got some of my side work done today. Didn’t finsh cause my brain started to hurt. Its been four years since I did some carpentry work for someone, and I kinda had to throw myself in the saddle once again. It was rough at first, but I got the hang on it. It wasn’t till I had to cut base and trim board, that my mind hit the wall. Forgot how to cut angles..lol. And they said you wouldn’t need algebra. I still have a little to do. About three or four more hours worth, but not much. I need to go to Johns tomorrow, and try to get some painting done. it was all good there for a while, but dude painting is boring. I must remember to take my Ipod to make time fly. Or go by faster atleast.

In case you missed it, the Spurs lost. Damn it. I can’t believe it, but then agian, I didn’t know the hornets were that good. I have said it before, i don’t watch the regular season, just the playoffs. And the Pre-game and half time shows on TNT, are too damn funny. Chuck is just a bad ass. Slighly retarted, but he is funny. And what is up with the hornets stunt crew using the wrong kinda of fire xtinguisher on the ring of fire. That was some funny stuff. So far, I think my bet this year is the Cavs. LeBron though I can’t stand him, is on fire, and well the Celtics might give them a run, but I am not sure. The lakers are going to take Utah, and well the Hornets are going to take the Spurs. The men from the Palace are going to take the Magic. So there ya have it. See ya in a couple of weeks to eat my words.

I finally got all my gear in from wolverine. The boots are sweet, the cap is nice, and well I look like a working man again. LoL. I laugh cause it is funny. I can’t help it. Now all I need to do is break them in. CAuse I don’t wanna apear on a youtube video being made fun off like my boss when he wore his new boots to work. If ya want the link, let me know and I will post it. It is tooo damn funny. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it and laugh. it is that damn good.

Another week of work tomorrow. Looking foward to it, let me tell ya. Should be alright. But it is becoming to damn gone non random. The same ol same ol.

Had a conversation with D tonight. For 30 minutes, it was a cool one. I know this has been said before, but things were just flowing. Ok, I need to think of something else to say instead of that, cause I say that way too much. But it was nice. The she hung up. It didn’t last that long, but it was alright. Then we got to talking online, and that is when it hit the fan. I had told her a while back, that I wanted to visit, but she never said yes or no. I am cool with either or, but I don’t want to pressure her into anything. i gave her ten reasons why i wanted to visit, and even upped them to 14. But still I don’t see her wanting me to. How you ask, cause I can’t get her to say yes. I toyed with the idea a while back of just showing up. Then I thought, that would not be cool. Plus I have no idea where in Ohio she lives, so it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. Either or, she said that it was a conversation to have over the phone. I said thursday would be nice. i can’t wait. Actually I can. i have come to my on conclusion, that she is going to say no. Why, why do i think this way. How can I know, if she hasn’t said anything? Well that is your first reason. My way of looking at it is, if you really want to meet someone, there shouldn’t be a reason not to. Money, or feelings or anything. If you really wanna meet and get it over with, then there shouldn’t be a reason why not. Instead, I have been thrown these things at me. Why the change of heart after six years? Well it would be nice to get to know someone before you travel x amount of miles to finally meet them. Plus, you don’t wanna look like a stalker from one day to the other. Thought long distance realationships didn’t work? And I do believe that. I told her once, that if we meet and something came out of it fine, if not then fine. I would alteast have had the privalage of meeting someone whom I have talked to granted off and on, for six years. You want to fly out and still deleted my diary? If you thought for one second that I deleted your diary, you are soo guiable. As a matter of fact, guilible is written on the ceiling look up and check it out. I said i would do it, but I didn’t. I just choose not to read it. i read it to answer your question and that was it. I didn’t want to go back and read updates, cause I was afraid of what I might read. I didn’t want to see what you called me, or what you have been doing. And I guess I thought the worste and that is when the feelings took over, and I said that I don’t understand what she does to me, that makes me want to climb up the walls. I have never had someone do what you have done to me before. I get so, so…fustrated with myself. Powerless…But I guess that comes with the territory. I must say, being raised on a ranch, away from people, I have a whole lot to learn about human nature. How people act, and respond to certain things and situations. Things and situations that I have not xperianced. That is why when you say something, it hurts. It hits. Though you might not think it does, and I might now show it, it hits. Mr. London…Ha, didn’t he tell ya he was from Marseille .lol

Ok so that last bit might have been a little xtreme. I was just thinking about a conversation days past that was told to me once by D. I remember the rage that I felt and the uneasyness of my soul. Then I just started to put two and three together, and then that is why I was like laughing and rolling around on the floor and wishing it was Friday night. I have never been too good at reading signs..but one thing is for sure..I love to read ahead and at times read too damn much into things for my own good. I remember back in high school, before I read a book, I would always read the last page. People would ask me, why do you read the last page. What is the point. The point my friends was, to see if the main character would be happy at the end, after going thru all the drama, BS, and aggrivation thru out the book~~

Goodnight

JP