Day 754: No Goodbye

ve never said goodbye to you. Not really.

Not at all.

This is not an attempt to do so.

I pretend we are only separated for any generic reason. Like when I’d go tomy family’s alone or you’d go to yours.

When my protective mind allows the truth to slip in, I frantically cover the eyes of my heart.

The reason you’re not here changes.

Quickly.

To anything.

After the seconds of initial panic, my heart believes the lies.

Exhale.

I’m okay with that.

But, I miss you, Woody.

You are written all over me. Sketched on my soul. Eternally in my reflection.

I don’t put you down.

No one can make me. I don’t want to anyway, I never did.

I can’t quit you. Haha.

I know what happened.

I know what the nurses and the doctor at the hospital told me, anyway.

Kind of had no choice but to believe them.

I never saw you again, though.

After telling you that I love you and that I’d see you later… Watching the EMTs take you away on the gurney….

My eyes would never again devour such a feast.

That damned hurricane and COVID made sure of it.

That’s the day I was plucked right out of my life.

And you were plucked from yours.

You went one way. I went another.

I know you’ve seen how lost I’ve been. Since you left, I know you’ve shaken your head at my frozen state. Disappointed.

I know.

Have you seen that I’m in love again? I know you have.

It’s amazing the way a person can love their new life, yet mourn the old one.

Love another, and still love the other.

At least once every day, I think, “I wonder if Woody has heard this yet.” Or, wait til I tell Woody!”

I have so much to tell you.

I can’t say goodbye, and I have no plans to.

Even if there WERE rules, I’d break them.

You’re gone.

Well, you… You died.

That didn’t end my relationship with you. That did not erase 20 years of us.

It changed most things, but it didn’t change everything.

And it won’t.

It couldn’t.

I miss you.

I love you.

There’s no goodbye in sight.