1,500 Days

Leave behind an angry anchor
It’s never too late

It has been roughly one thousand five hundred days since I last found refuge at OpenDiary.  Even then I wasn’t writing regularly anymore, too many people knew where to find me and it had completely lost the delicious anonymity that first drew me in and, brick by brick, built my home. I hope (in almost a desperate way) that maybe some of those people won’t want to come back so that I can reclaim this space and call it home again.

This is a new diary. I had four; only three worth saving. Rather than pay three subscription fees I copied each entry from each of those accounts into chapters here. They are now, and will remain, private. I am not ashamed of anything I said in any one of those entries and after reading them all in the last week there are so many things I want to say about them. So many stories I left out, so many memories that I still have to share. I never even wrote about my first date with the man I ended up marrying, even though I did write an entry that night. I never let you know him the way I let you know Keys and Strings, and for the love of God that was a mistake. He is more beautiful and poetic than they ever were. Reading my diary through the period of time when we met feels like a lie. I did him a disservice and although many of you followed me to FaceBook none of you got to know our story, not the real one. And I want to share it.

I will be going back to pseudonyms here. It worked well for me for more than a decade. It helped with the illusion of privacy, even after everyone knew anyway. It made me feel safe, like I could still say whatever I wanted because by not saying his name I wasn’t technically breaking the terms of the NDA (although admitting there was one has now technically broken those terms).

I hope that the DM is more committed to the site this time. I don’t care that its going to be paid members only, especially if it helps him stay. I will love OD in whatever form it takes because it was always my home and it feels damn good to be here again.

If we were friends before please reach out. My list of people who have returned is depressingly small and I miss you all.