Why

I have very little friends, and I actually don’t mind because the people I use to surround myself with were only treating me horribly. I wasn’t confident enough to walk away but here I am, and it turned out being amazing for me.

I am someone that likes to be alone and gets anxious when I am hanging out with other people, even if it is my close friends. I feel bad but I always dread having to do something. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them, and they are amazing, but it is just me. I don’t know why because going out would be good for me, but I am just so anxious having to be with another person.

I have two friends that I chat with online, one I was best friends within middle school then she moved, and the other I met through a site. I love chatting with them, especially knowing I can just comfortably chat without plans being made. Then I have a best friend which lives less than five minutes away from me and I see her just a few times a month. We both understand that we have things going on, so it is something mutual between us. I just feel bad because I find it hard building up the courage to go out and do something. I just am not an open and chatty person, so I feel like I sometimes have to be someone I am not when it comes to going out. She knows I like to be alone, but we are always still there for one another, and I appreciate her so much. I just wish I was a more outgoing person. My entire energy just changes any time I have to go do something social. I get so anxious.

Like today I am going to a party for my high school friend, and our other friend will be there. Last time I went out with both of them was maybe a year ago. I am really happy I get to see both of them, but like my energy is the problem. I know I rather just be alone, but I am pushing forward because I would love to see my friends. I just wish it wasn’t that way, and I am not sure why that is, because I know being social is great for you.