Just words

I can’t describe in words what I feel,

It’s really hard to explain,

I don’t want to breathe,

I don’t want to hear,

I don’t want to feel.

I want the pain to go away,

The anxiety that fights me day in, and day out.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells just in case someone gets upset,

I’m tired of being sad, and tired of focusing on what I’m feeling.

I’m tired of opening old wounds, and feeling what I am feeling.

I’m tired of being judged and criticized.

I’m tired of feeling like no one is listening,

I’m tired of feeling that I am screaming in a room with thousands of people and no one is listening.

I want to be happy, I want to be able to smile, I want to be able to be who I once was, I want to forget about the anxiety, and I want to forget about the past. I regret being so wreckless growing up, and all the pain I put myself through.

I’m trying to find guidance, trying to fight the devil, and trying to get though it all.

I am going to try to be strong, and tell myself that I am not worthless, I am worth something, that I am not alone even though it feels that way.

I am going to be happy, one way or another, and I’m going to get through this