The Anger

I know there are so many vivid emotions postpartum, but they don’t ever focus on the anger. Staying at home with my minions is a blessing I never really wanted, but amazing to say the least. However, I feel like a caged animal pacing in a zoo that I made. I don’t believe I was meant to live out this style of domestication, but I’m forced to make do as well as be the sole responsible person for the health and well being of two innocent children. So you buck up, buttercup! You make the bottles, fix the breakfast/lunch/dinner, watch over them, do the exercises, play, and all while keeping the house clean and myself sane. I have a schedule and routine for everything down to chores…a level of neurotic-ness that is new to me. I constantly feel like I’m juggling a million things from  5:30 AM until I crash around 10 PM.

That brings me to my anger… I have this incredible husband who works to support us. He goes well above the average husband and takes over caring for the kids when he gets up at 4 PM so I can have an hour or so to myself. It’s on me, but I usually take this time to catch up on chores or crafts for Christmas gifts. On top of being new parents and newlyweds we have a house we’re fixing and the holidays are upon us. So on top of everything else I’m trying to child proof our home to cope with mobile children and prepare for Christmas. In order to do my duties I’ve been waiting a week for him to mount our tv, and hang the board for our new floating entertainment cube. Once that is done I can step in and build the entertainment center, move our make shift one to have an area for crafts and put out decorations. Seems easy enough, right? Hell no. It’s been like pulling teeth. I have the stuff set out, instructions on top, and area clear. We just have to unhook the tv (which is in use during the day) and boom…done. Yet there hasn’t been that long awaited boom and shit is most certainly not done.

I’m responsible for so much, every day. He legit has to make sure he sleeps, watch the babies for an hour and a half, assist with baths, then work. He gets 2 hrs every night to work out and do his weird breathing excercises. Like, I know it’s gonna be a pain in the ass and a little extra work…but for one day. I give endlessly, day in and out, and you can’t just buck up and get it over with?

This on top of stupid shit that just adds up has me constantly on the verge of wanting to rip his actual face off. The realist and doting wife in me knows he does so much already. But the boiling anger and exhausted mom just can’t fucking deal sometimes.

I guess this is another ranting entry…sorry y’all. I did take pictures of the twins and was going to post them…but I haven’t figured out how. They’ll be 9 months on the 18th, Jericho takes after me and had darker hair and grey/green eyes. Evie takes after her dad and has blondeish hair and blue eyes. They are all the precious and worth every grey hair they’ve given me so far. I know all this anger and frustration is only temporary, but man has it put a strain on our marriage (and my sanity) 🤣

-Kayla