*is angry*

Hey everyone,

Yeah I’m angry. I’m angry at like 5 million things, and I don’t know where to start. OoO and for once, since my past few entries, it isn’t at Charlie. He’s the only thing right now making me happy. First, I’ll update on that…. We are doing awesome, we’ve been talking through things and actually getting some place. He let me go out with my friends last night, and I had a blast. It meant a lot to me that he was willing to trust me, even for one night. That means that we ARE getting somewhere, it might be a very long time before things are even remotely back to where they were but they are well on the way. 😀 Now to the bitterness.

First, that guy that I messed around with, "Adam" is now talking about things that happened. Charlie’s mom found out because he was running his mouth at his job. One of the ladies he works with also happens to be Gina’s friend. She heard Charlie’s name and asked about what went on, and he told her. So he obviously is just running away at the mouth. I’ve taken a lot of time and energy to convince Charlie NOT to do anything to him, and if he wants revenge to take it out on me…it was MY fault. "Adam" was just a long for the ride…but now I’m not so sure. It’s like the more time that passes the more I found out about him, and the more I regret what happened and the madder I get at myself.

That leads me to the second thing I’m angry about, myself. I can’t believe I’ve done this. I look back at the last three months and I just feel like kicking myself in the ass. Things with Charlie might not have been the best, but I should have talked to him about things before I ran out and slept with an asshole. I know now that’s what Charlie been trying to tell me the whole time, I was just too set on not listening. I feel really bad about everything right now. Plus with everything that’s being said from "Adam’s" side of things…

Third, I found a certain something on the computer today. Charlie knows what I’m talking about, and that’s the only one that needs to know. Well I got a lil upset that he had kept it there knowing all the stuff that’s been going on. I’m not mad AT him, just at his logic and obsessiveness. I understand, but at the same time I want everything to just disappear and that found it’s way back. It’s like a lil reminder of what I’ve done, and I don’t like being reminded that I was wrong. :S

Fourth, i went to "Adam’s" myspace today to see if he had updated his blog and put anything on there about me. Fortunately there isn’t anything, but in a way that kind of upset me too. He’s running his mouth to all kinds of people, knowing that Charlie wants to beat the shit out of him, but his myspace remains untouched by this knowledge. That just makes me think that he uses his myspace to lure girls into talking to him. I was one of them, and it pisses me of that I let myself be. Like Charlie said, and I denied, he got what he wanted and now he’s on to other things… Armed with this, AND what Charlie told me about just wanting sex in the beginning, my self image is slowly shattering. It hurts…

Fifth, throughout this whole thing my internet has been slower than hell…so overall I’m just angry…

But anyhow…I guess I’ll update again soon,

-Kayla