*grumble*

 I am so cranky this morning in it unbelievable.  *rawr*  It would be one of those days where it would be best if I were alone because it wouldn’t matter what anyone does, it will somehow make me pissed out.  Joy.  I hate when I get into moods like this.  Hopefully we’ll all survive without much casualties.  The kids seem to sense it’s best to keep their distance.  🙂

It is coupled with a huge amount of anxiety.  I literally feel like I could jump out of skin and my heart may beat it based on how hard it is thumping.  I wish I knew what/why is causing it.

One option may be money stuff.  Nothing is terribly wrong but I get into a panic when I spend a lot of money.  Not in a bad way but it feels like when it rains, it pours.  I go from barely spending much money at all to spending a ton and that sends me into a horrible panic – even if there is plenty of money to cover it.  Lily has needed clothes, I need clothes, we needed a new printer, etc, etc.  That is prompted with the fact that we will be putting in a new patio (what we decided to use our tax return money on), we desperately need a new mattress, we need to upgrade Lily to some sort of real bed sometime this year, our garage now seems to need to get repaired, I just wrote a check to the plumber thanks to some toilet issues we were having, and oh, I had to get to the eye doctor and buy new glasses (another couple hundred bucks later).  Ouch.  I’m going to have to become a miser when we get home from vacation.  

It also didn’t help that I woke up to find out that the garage was open all night (finally sealing the reality that I need to get someone out here.  I think one of the springs is trashed) because it never closed for hubby when he got home last night.  He didn’t realize it when back up since we usually can tell by the sound of the door.  Open garage meant open invitation to the neighborhood raccoons to see if we had anything for them to eat.  Ironically, the wanted nothing to do with Rozi’s food even though they managed to take the lid off the can.  But they found two bags of almond flour and made a total mess.  Ugh!  I’m mad at myself because I was thinking yesterday that I needed to move them back inside since it is now too warm to store them in our once cool garage.  What a total waste of money.  That stuff is expensive!

I also want to get out and start my gardening but I’m not feeling the energy to dig up our space and cultivate the soil.  Plus I need to prep the new area which means I need to get to the store and buy some cedar planks and build my new boxes.  The problem is we are leaving for vacation at the end of next week and even though  this week and next week would be prime to get stuff settled and ready, it seems stupid to plant my seedlings and then leave them to the elements for over a week.  I’m at a loss.  I wouldn’t mind building the boxes at least so they are ready to go when we get home.  

So I guess I can see where my anxiety is stemming from.  At least part of it.  I’ve been keeping the morning low key.  John is currently working on an art project while Lily crawls all over the place.  Gah!  I have yet to find any sort of toy Lily has any remote interest in.  She is a hard one to figure out.  Time to play with her while John finishes his project.