Drama and Observations

 John had his homeschool gym and swim yesterday and it was quite the success even though he was quite apprehensive about being on his own for two hours.  The fun he had certainly helped.  There is a kid who is autistic in class.  High functioning certainly but he seemed more autistic than having aspergers.  It was interesting to watch him because I can see those few mannerisms that have made people raise their eyebrows at John, mainly the way John gets excited which is full of hand movements.  But once you keep watching, I can see how totally different John is since he is far more social and involved with people.  Sure he is no social butterfly but neither am I or his daddy.  I’d happily stay at home for a couple weeks not needing contact with friends and be okay.  Sure, I’ll need it eventually but I don’t go out of my mind being by myself.  

It’s also good to get John into swimming.  They get a 45 minute swim lesson and then 15 minutes of free swim including use of the water slide.  John was pleased as punch.  He is still refusing to go under water.  He says its because he doesn’t like to get his eye wet.  He said he’d do it with goggles so we’ll see if he follows through next week when he has them.  I was still impressed that he agreed to float with the teacher.  

We need to stay in the building during class so the moms hang out in the area with tables.  I sat at one with Lily and we did sticker books together.  There was a mom there with two smaller boys, one of which also seemed to be on the spectrum.  There was a lot of turmoil and screaming and I can’t imagine how tough it is to handle that on a constant basis.  But I was shocked when she gave the boys a snack (one was certainly younger than Lily) and it was the neon colored sour gummy worms from the vending machine.  I mean seriously?  It’s like handing your kid a chemical plant.  I know people don’t believe like I do but I know that shit changes John’s personality.  If I had a kid on the spectrum (of course I think many of us are to some extent, especially with how much smaller the box is getting to be normal), I would certainly be more vigilant about the food that is nourishing his brain and body.  But then again, I always feel like an outsider when I made observations like that.  In the waiting area full of moms, all the younger kids were snacking on various forms of crap – cheetos, gummy worms, Doritos, neon colored goldfish (those seriously freak me out), Pizza Hut pizza, twinkies.  And then there was Lily – eating a banana.  Sometimes I feel bad because the kids don’t experience that "normal" part of childhood but I know I’m giving them things that are better.  And I do make them treats and I definitely feel better knowing what goes into them.

I have a horrible habit of working myself up about scenarios that haven’t happened yet.  I’m guessing I’m not alone but seriously I really should stop.  I think of something coming up and all the various ways it could play out and then get all worked up about the possible bad ways it could turn out.  I did that last year with vacation and having my father in law come and visit us as I worried about how it would interfere with what we’d like to do and see.  Thankfully, I knew he is far more laid back and it turned out to be great and comforting when he even reminded us that this was our vacation and they are just here to visit us so don’t let them get in the way of activities.  And we certainly still had plenty to do with them and when we did go for a hike, they hung out and relaxed near the parking lot or went back to their hotel to rest and freshen up.  It was so nice.  

Unfortunately, I find myself doing that about our upcoming vacation too.  I purposely decided on the smoky mountains not only because it seemed like a great destination for what we like to do but because it was close enough for SIL to join us too.  She desperately needs a vacation considering she is still dealing with the same crap, if not worse than it was a couple years back.  It’s seriously psychotic and it deserves its own entry.  Plus, they are in no shape to afford a vacation either and we love that we can offer that opportunity to her.  Last year we met up in St. Louis and it was a great weekend seeing each other since her husband wasn’t along and we didn’t have the stress that goes along with how things are between them.  Of course I got to thinking, what if he comes this time?  I made the assumption that he wouldn’t since they hardly even speak to each other anymore but I realized that wasn’t enough for him to stay home per se, especially since we did find such a nice place for a good deal.  So now I’m all worked up about this possibility of him coming and it actually makes me mad (and again we are just dealing with a possibility still).  After all, this is our vacation, and the idea that we have to deal with the stress and drama of how he behaves and how it effects SIL (and everyone), makes me realize that I’d be climbing the walls and stressed out if that is what we have to deal with.  So honestly.  I don’t want him there.  Period.  I don’t believe he deserves a vacation and even though it isn’t my purpose to hang it over their head that we are paying for the place but I feel like it gives me some backing of what I want and don’t want.  So I brought it up this past weekend when I was talking to SIL as I asked her if she thought he’d come.  And she didn’t think so but maybe.  My only response back to her is I don’t want him there.  No.  I didn’t get into it as I could tell I caught her off guard and I then softened it a bit but seriously with as much as she bitches about him, it astonishes me that she would sooner just not say anything than put her foot down saying she’d go alone.  All that Ass would do is lay around with the TV on all the time whining that we aren’t eating food he likes or going out to the closest grease spoon to eat every meal.  He sleeps until past noon and I would never wait for him to go and that ends up leaving SIL behind and well, you can see the unfolding drama.  And it certainly then diminishes the reality of wanting to give her the vacation and break she needs.  It will have to be addressed again but I’m trying to determine how not to come across as a bitch when I do it.  Am I out of line?  Of course, maybe those of you will understand more when I give the lo down on the situation in a different entry.

Then there is mother in law (MIL).  We assumed that she would come along with SIL and honestly I was okay with that since she should see her grandchildren and the kids should see her.  And I know she comes with her own baggage but I’m willing to grin and bear that part so long as she knew we were not going to sit around the cabin for the four days she is there staring at each other.  I don’t know where this inane idea comes from but that is basically how she believes a visit should be.  All sitting around basically staring at each other.  She is welcome to do activities with us and we will certainly have plenty of time with he like we did with FIL last year with morning and downtime in the afternoons and evening.  And Iw as keeping our longer hikes for after they leave and do the more low key touristy things with them.  And I know even the short hikes she couldn’t do so she could either relax in the woods but the problem is she doesn’t read or anything.  She could certainly stay at the cabin but I know she’ll just sit at the cabin fuming because we are well, not sitting around staring at her.  But again, I would deal and be okay with that because she is grandma.  But then again, I wonder if that will come about since hubby about had a coronary this morning at the insanity that is his mother’s mind.  It was apparently so outrageous, he had to hang up on her.   Since this "vacation" is somehow going to override a "visit", she has now escaped into her pissy mode of how we never see her and we only see each other once a year.    I don’t know.  I kind or thought that this was a much nicer option than a visit like we did in St. Louis.  But whatever.  It’s unfortunate that her vision is so narrow minded and if she gets all mad at us for that than maybe it’s better that she doesn’t come.  Plus, how can she not realize how much harder it is for us to coordinate a visit to come down and the cost.  She is not working sitting in her apartment all day long doing nothing.  She knows she is welcome here (craziness and all) and hubby has even offered to pay for her plane ticket.  But no.  It’s even cheaper for us to pay for the ticket then to haul ourselves down to Nashville.  

I knew it though.  We joked about it last year.  When FIL heard we were going to be "only" 3 hours away on vacation, he asked if we didn’t mind if they came up to visit a couple days since we would be so close.  The way MIL’s mind work is to get mad and think "what?!?!  you are going to be 3 hours away and you are not going to take the time to come visit me?!?!"  Ugh.  The problem is that going to visit SIL and MIL in Nashville is a huge expense.  We can’t stay with either of them.  MIL lives in a one bedroom apartment.  And we won’t mention we’d go crazy if we did.  They live near downtown so if we want to be anywhere near them, we are forking out $150 or more a night for a crappy hotel, not even something nice.  Then add in the stressful atmosphere at SIL’s house.  The day we left the last time we visited, hubby blew up at his sister’s husband for how much of an ass he was being.  I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seem him get that mad.  Actually I know.  It was three times.  Once at BIL and the other two at his own mother.  Why should hubby use up his precious vacation days to go through that?  It’s so unfortunate that it has to be that way.  I want my kids to know their family but ugh, not if it is insanity they witness.  

So I’m trying to let the drama go, especially since I certainly don’t have any need to fester on it for the next month before vacation.  All I know is that I’m done with drama and I don’t need to put myself in situations that has a negative effect on me.  Sure, there times to grin and bear it but there are times one should put their foot down too.