writings of a depressed person

Hrmm.. I dont know how Im doing.. I feel really stupid about complaining about me feeling depressed, and having this constant anxiety and stress that never, EVER goes away.. but my mom just says that its ALL NORMAL and a part of growing up.. so why should I complain about it? I mean, surely Im not special, and my how I feel isnt anything special or out of the ordinary. So why does it matter if I am depressed everyday? And why does it matter that I have had constant stress for the past 3 or 4 years? I mean, if its all normal than I should just shut my ass up about it and stop complaining. My mom says I shouldnt take anti-deperessants or anything if I dont need them. And I guess it was implying that I didnt need them. So sure, I guess I can live my life like this everyday, feeling worthless, feeling like shit, being nervous, and anxious..wanting to curl up in a ball, shut myself out from the world, and turn everyone away..And I guess I can keep this very short temper and bitterness that I have towards people in general, and the anger I have towards myself.. and best of all, not knowing where any of this comes from. But sure, its completely normal, so why does it matter? I guess my moms just lucky that I havent gotten to the point to where I want to kill myself.. but OH WELL..

Hmm.. this sucks.. I cant talk to any of my friends about the way I feel.. because they wont understand, they will think its just some bad mood im in.. and most of all, they will just think im whining and that i complain too much.. plus, I dont think its right for me to put my problems on other people.. and thats what got me in the situation that Im in today;I keep everything inside, and hide the bad feelings.. and Im pretty good at hiding them, i guess.. sometimes i force myself to hide them, just because sometimes i care more about other peoples feelings than my own.. and this is a nice little place I have, my diary.. even though I dont really get any comfort from it, aside from writing out my feelings.. but I guess It’ll have to do.. I dont know..

I guess Im a horrible person.. I mean, I think its funny that sometimes I lack a concious, that little voice in my head telling me that something is wrong.. but at the same time I am very sensitive to other peoples feelings, and thoughts, words and actions.. I guess I am really fucked up! But I cant help but laugh at myself for this..

Im gonna end the shitty entry and write something new. CYAZ

You’re NOT a horrible person.You’re just human.And you’re not alone in it. 🙂 <3, ~

I’m wondering, do you talk with Simon about how you’re feeling? Maybe if you did, he could help make you feel better. <:) That's what Renee and I did, we talked through all our problems *alot*, just rooting them out and getting rid of them! It's really important to have someone who understands, and cares, and knows how to help. =) It really works wonders. <:) -Toke-

And you should try to stand up for yourself more! What’s this about you getting forced to go to church, screw that! They can’t force you! Just say no! If it gets you in trouble, well screw that too, it’s worth it to get your point across; that you have a life of your own and you can do what you want! It’s time to set an example… heh heh, I love examples! They’re so… meeeean!! >:) -Toke-

Toke’s right! If you don’t want to go to church, just say NO! Thats what I do all the time when my parents try to make me go to church, I just say no and thats final. I know that your mom and Roger are different, but if you keep saying No, in time they’ll give up. I’ve been saying No about church since I was a little kid! My dad would even bribe me to go to chuch, but I said no! —–>

I would even get brided with money, but I said no anyways! Why?? Even money? Because I hate that church and it makes me feel bad going there, and I simply don’t want to do it. So, NO! I say NO!!! NO NO NO NO!!!! Who cares about the consequences!! Which is worse, getting your mind raped or being grounded?? Think about yourself, not about others.. You have to be selfish to keep yourself healthy–>

and safe from depression, opression, and just earning independence! And you must tell people who you really are!!!! Don’t like shit like that from people! >:P Its time for you’re own revolution… to be free.. <=) Your friend /Renee!

Yeah! What she said!! =D Time to draw the line! And if they step over it, WHAK! Pain! Injure! -Toke-