Work complaints, etc

This past week at work was a very physically demanding one. All day, every day, we were planting trees for individal residents in a desparate attempt to plant all of the trees needed to fulfill the grants given to the organization. I’m not sure if we reached our goal (4000 trees or something this year?), but I don’t really care right now. Every part of me is sore. Yesterday we had our last Trees For All eventof my entire Americorps experience, and it’s weird that we won’t have to work on it when we go back to work next week. It’s less than 2 months until I move out of San Jose.

Today would usually be the beginning of my weekend, but instead I have a required day of service at a Community Resource Fair. I know I should have a service mindset but I’m kindof cranky about being required to volunteer (again!) during what should be my time off, after a week where I’m especially exhausted anyway. I have to work at some information booth from 9am-4pm I guess. All of the Americorps members have to do it though, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.

I guess I’m starting to really realize why Americorps service is so difficult. For the first several months I didn’t think it was that hard, but now it really is starting to become a struggle to complete (but I will complete it, of course). It’s just hard to be a volunteer, required to work entirely for the benefit of others and bending over backwards to make people happy without (usually) any kind of recognition, or much financial gain to show for it. People often don’t care that you work 10 hour days to make sure they get what they want out of working with us, get their trees, etc. in a timely manner, and that it takes a long time to make sure the entire process is legal for them so they won’t get fined. I hate having to kiss asses and have a smile on my face when people who are permitted for trees are in a bad mood anyway (they hate trees, hate the city, etc.) and decide to take it out on us. Sometimes people want trees that they can NEVER get as a city street tree (orange trees, for example), and when we tell them it isn’t possible they get angry. Yes I would LOVE to listen to you yell at me, and I LOVE faking compassion even though you are being an asshole to a volunteer who is only trying to help you.

You still want to plant an orange tree? Where people walk, and where cars park and drive? Fine, do it. I don’t care. I hope the city fines you $2000!

I guess the above goes with all sorts of crappy service jobs, but it’s also frustrating to not feel any support from the staff. This was a very small nonprofit organization that for the first time adopted 22 Americorps members, so I guess  they are new at all of this. They do a really shitty job at making sure people feel supported, being consistent with discipline, and they SUCK at maintaining confidentiality during conflict. How can you tell the staff your concerns about another member when they have a history of sharing that with the very person you have concerns with? Also, instead of yelling at people who don’t do their work, the staff continually gives MORE work to hardworkers, creating an imbalance and making it so that some people are constantly overwhelmed and stressed.

I guess it’s difficult for me because what I’m doing here isn’t what I want to do with my life, so I see it as being difficult without room for advancement, and I don’t think I’m gaining beneficial skills any longer.

But I digress.

I had a lot of sad/weird/scary dreams last night. Most of my dreams last night took place in the nighttime, and I don’t remember much besides that. I know it’s kindof boring when people describe their dreams in length on OD (since others can never really understand the feeling of the dream just by reading the words) so I won’t bother. It’s just inconvenient to have a night of crappy dreams, you know?

Paul is leaving for Peru tonight, so I won’t be able to talk to him on the phone for about a month. Hopefully he’s able to email me within the next couple of days so I know he arrived safely. I’ll try not to worry about it.

So much complaining from me this morning!

Well, I have to go shower so I can spend my day volunteering at the Community Resource Fair for most of the day.