What the hell?!

So, despite that entry yesterday, me emotions are being fickle.

Dan doesnt want to get the tickets, for the sake of my mom. I understand the whole philosophy of it all. But it makes me feel, if we’re not going to meet, I have nothing to work toward. In relationships I like to be with the person.. I know that shouldnt make much of a difference. But him flat out telling me that he doesnt want to get the tickets, and then also say that a time when he could is uncertain, makes me feel all stupid. It also makes me feel like he wouldnt even try, for several reasons.

So despite everything I said yesterday, things have changed. The way he brought it all up, it seems like Im only going to end up getting hurt, so I have become really protective of myself and my feelings right now. I dont like that, but at the same time I do.

So god damnit, why the hell do I have to be like this? Why the hell cant I just stumble blindly into something, rather than think Ill be hurt and hold back, missing lots of good times..

Fickle, fickle, fickle!!

I feel so fucking stupid because of all of it.