Two orders of business

First, as required by my recent success at winning what I’m sure will be a great prize:

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

-Each gift will contain more than one thing, though they might not be worth much as far as monetary worth goes
-I make no promise on how long it will take for you to get said thing
-You have to be willing to answer a series of questions that will help me decide what to make you (don’t worry, they’re not personal or difficult to answer)
-You have to offer up 5 things made by you in your diary (with your own rules)
-Every version of the restrictions and limitations posted must be unique to its poster’s own strange, wondrous and irreproducible talents.

I copied ahirumoo’s rules word for word, and gee, I hope she isn’t mad at me! I didn’t obey the last rule, so it goes.

Second, I was told by some guy that I know that I need to tell some embarassing stories. Fair enough.

So, did you know that I used to pee the bed? Until I was like twelve? Not only that, I also wet my pants while I was in school a few times. It happened probably 2 or 3 times in the first grade, and I remember my teacher annoyedly saying "Debbie, just let me know when you need to use the restroom!". I think my bladder was made too small in order to build my character.

One of my shining "blonde moments": once in Kindergarten I asked to use the restroom, and proceeded to walk down the hall to the restroom even though the Kindergarten classrooms had their own restrooms. I had been in there the whole year and didn’t remember that. I think my Kindergarten teachers liked to give me gin to make nap time easier.

One time I also drunk texted a coworker to tell him that I had a crush on him, though it was devastatingly obvious that he was completely out of my league and had no feelings for me whatsoever. My work friends had a good time laughing about this.

Well, that’s enough for now. I feel like less of a human being, and you should share your own embarassing stories to make me feel better.

King Rat

January 19, 2009

i remember the librarian in eighth grade calling me a girl in front of the class, everyone started laughing. so she says, be quiet, this young lady has something to say. that was embarrassing, but not really brought on by my own actions. (i had been growing my hair out and it was just at a point where you couldnt quite tell if i was a boy or girl, no facial hair or anything.)

T*A*M*I

I knew the bedwetting story. A story about me. In kindergarten I puked all over my table, there were like 5 kids sitting there. I ruined all of their stuff, and it landed on everyone.

i cut my hair soon after that, but that was the last time i cut it for about seven or 8 years. then i got tired of it and chopped it all off, was down past my belly button if i had it in a ponytail over my shoulder. i think there is a picture on my myspace (/theunamedhero) (standing next to my dad about a week before i cut it.)

oh god. drunk texting happens a lot for me lately. that’s not a good thing. i have an embarrassing story for you. i went out friday night to an ’80s night dance party at a local bar. i never EVER go out period. i apparently was dancing with a coworker/friend and stuck my hand down the front of his pants and told him he should kiss me. how’s that for embarrassing? i didn’t even remember it!

Sal Paradise

January 20, 2009

Freshman year of High School I went to the bathroom during lunchtime. I didn’t know they locked the main bathrooms during lunch and I got locked in for 3 periods and I missed lunch. The security guard saw my fingers wiggling through the door and the Vice Principal had to let me out and they cracked on me basically the whole year. Not the students the staff. That sucked.

ahirumoo

The only embarassing story I can think of that I’m willing to say in here is that a few years ago at work, I was on my period and stuck in a really long meeting, I didn’t think I was bleeding THAT much, and I was wearing protection, so I wasn’t that worried, until I stood up and realized that not only was there a huge stain on my pants but also a huge stain on the chair I’d been sitting in! My coworker pointed and laughed and made fun of me. I was mortified! Also. I want one! And you didn’t completely steal my rules, because you didn’t ask for picture requests.

Also, In kindergarten I was stun by a bee in my ear and my ear grew like 10 sizes and everyone cracked on me and called me spock. When I taught kindergaren a went to the bathroom and came out. He crapped everyone all over the bathroom and the kids called him out. He said he didn’t do it, but he had it all over the back of himself. The kids called him poopy pants. that made me laugh though.