The stupid primitive emotions

So, screw all logical sense! I am being overpowered by my primal emotions. I am very irritated. Slightly angry. I don’t know. Ok, fxck it. It’s my diary. Ok, last night I was feeling really bad, and I just felt like being online without carrying on conversations with people. Well, Marcus was talking to me, and it was fine, even though I wasn’t really into it and really didn’t feel like saying much. So after awhile, he said he was gonna go to bed, so I just let him. Then this morning I see he leaves me a note saying I apparently didn’t want to talk to him, and when I got online I was just feeling awful because I slept for 2 hours, and had to get up and go to my school. And when I got online, he was saying things like “Well, I guess you didn’t want to talk to me.I would have stayed on if you would have asked.” And it just seemed useless. I mean, it wasn’t anything personal, I just didn’t want to talk. And I felt dumb because it was like he was making a big deal out of it. And when I think people are being like that in situations, I just wanna get out of it. Not to say anything bad about him, but I’m being honest. When I grew up with my dad, the main bad thing I learned from him is about not whining.. well, not complaining, which I interpret into whining. And that’s all I can see it as. So, I was feeling pretty stupid about the whole thing. And if he’s irritated or mad or whatever, there’s really nothing I can do. I was being as .. umm.. civil, as I could.

And thats enough about that shit.

And I’ve been talking to this guy (AND LET ME SAY, IM NOT GOING TO GET WITH HIM OR ANYTHING,OK?) And just now I get to feeling wierd because I feel like I am letting myself go too much and putting too much into it. So I was feeling like I was, back when I first started talking to guys, and ..well, bad. So I had to actually talk to myself, out loud, and explain things out in a logical manner, to get it through that everything’s ok. And hell, it seems to have worked. I feel better now and have a whole perspective on the situation. So talking to oneself, though seeming crazy, can be quite helpful. I was basically forcing my heart and my mind to communicate, because they NEVER listen to each other anymore. — On a different note, this dude wants a pic of me, just as I want one of him, and he thinks I’m paranoid that if he sees me he won’t like me because I don’t look good enough. Well, I’m not really paranoid about that. I mean, I’m not that damn arrogant, it’s just that I’m comftorable with myself, and he can think whatever he wants. And what I know about him is that he’s the shy type, hasn’t had a girlfriend (for reasons which I won’t explain) and a lot of things are running through my head on how he looks. I’m just really curious, because he’s so cool and everything.

ANYWAY, I guess I’ll write another entry on the happenings of my day later.