New job worries

I know I haven’t written in a few days or whatever, but I guess I just have a lot on my mind.

First off, Tuesday I drove to San Jose and back. It wasover 700 miles and totaled more than 11 hours. Yeah, driving that far sucked, but I needed to find a place. I was originally going to spend the night with one of Paul’s good friends up there, but I got done around 6pm and didn’t want to have to make the trip back the next day (I get this from my mom… she took me to Georgia once-a ten hour trip-and then drove all the way back after stopping for only a few minutes). I didn’t get back until after midnight and was SO tired. Luckily I called mom after she got off of work and we talked for about 40 minutes… it was nice to have someone keep me awake, though I had to pee SO BAD while we were on the phone that she said it sounded like I was being tortured.

Anyway, good news: I found a room. It’s kind of weird though and I hope it won’t end up being lame. I mean, the people there pretty much stay in their rooms all the time and/or are really quiet. What am I saying? I guess I’m that way too, and if I ever feel like getting my party on I can leave the house. The reason I decided to snatch the room up so quickly is because it is a furnished room, utilities included, for $450 a month. That’s definitely the best deal around. It’s pretty close to where I work (well, 8 or 9 miles) and lots of shopping centers. There’s a bus stop not too far away, and though I haven’t really used public transportation before I’d really like to make it a habit. I’m not quite sure how it works though, so I guess it will be a learning experience.

The guy who owns the house is kindof an ass. Well, I guess more than anything he is just really annoying. Hopefully I’ll just tolerate or avoid him for the most part, and take advantage of the cheap room and wireless internet. Plus I’ll be out of the house, learning about conservation and tree planting, Tuesday through Saturday. I know it’s not a permanent job or whatever, but I think getting paid to plant trees for 10 months sounds like a good idea. Plus this will give me experience working for a non-profit organization, organizing volunteers, and I’ll be part of a group again (which was somethiing I lost after graduating from college, of course).

And I dunno, it might seem reckless (or something) to move so far away from anyone I know, but some good might come out of being thrown into a new situation and being forced to be independent.

But blah blah blah, I have talked enough about that.

Oh, Paul and I are going to a concert tonight at the Hollywood Bowl. The opening band is LCD Soundsystem (Paul absolutely loves them), followed by Arcade Fire. I haven’t heard anything by Arcade Fire, and we are pretty much going for the opening band. The problem with the Hollywood Bowl though is that it’s an outside venue, and it is a little chilly here (for once!) and is supposed to rain. Umbrellas aren’t allowed there, so… maybe I’ll find a tarp on the side of the road to use?

You know, I wish sometimes I were more independent when it came to men–whenever I’m going to do something I keep my boyfriend in mind. I came out here to be with Paul and was pretty much resigned to the fact that I’d mold my life around whatever he was doing. Now I’m moving 370 miles away but still find myself saying sometimes "You know, I don’t have to go". I mean, like I’d stay here and look for more crappy office jobs if he mentioned that I should. I mean, I know he tells me that this will be good for me, but I still take his feelings (or feelings that I make up for him) into account all the time, worrying about what he’ll think and so on. He doesn’t really do this when it comes to me (well, not as frequently as I do); if he gets the opportunity to do something that he is passionate about, I’m sure he’ll just do it.

 I’m sure it’s healthy to think of yourself and what is good for you (because that’s how we grow, right?). I just think sometimes about all the things I have missed out on because I wanted to be with a guy instead. Silly I know, but luckily I have a boyfriend now that pushes me to pursue things I am interested in, and we’re going to stay together and do just fine. I really can’t explain how much he’s done for me in the past 2 1/2+ years, but I digress. I guess I shouldn’t have to live my life to make someone else happy; rather, I should find what I love and work toward it. This all makes sense, right? Hopefully I’m not doing all of this typing for nothing.

I dunno, I guess I’m just nervous about everything. This is something different for me, but I’m happy to have the opportunity to do something that makes a difference, which is what I’ve always wanted. I’ll be fine on my own, right? They hired a whole team of Urban Forestry Specialists (which is what my title is), many of whom are women my age who recently graduated from college. I’ll probably make some great friends and look back on the experience fondly later, but first steps are always hard.

Well, I still have 11 days before I move, but I guess I needed to get all of this off of my chest.

Oh, I could take the kitten with  me, but I don’t think it’s fair for her. She would have to be locked in my room all day, and I know that would really bring her down after awhile (I tried it with Chewwie for a few weeks once, and she just seemed really depressed). I think Paul will really appreciate having her around anyway.