Long entry — cussing, crisco, and complaining

Damn, my computer is going really slow, so Im getting frustrated about getting into my diary. Maybe its just the website messing up? Hell, I dont know.So lets see if I can write a decent entry. Sure, theres several things I could write about, but I dont know if I want my entry to be freakishly long like they have been lately.. oh well, who the hell cares? We’ll see what happens.

Today I was bored as a fxckin tit, so I decided to try to call my friend Autumn again.. I havent seen her since a few days before I went to GA. So I talked to her, and to make things short, she came and picked me up. We went by Wendys, where she works, and I got an application, and some chicken nuggets. I should learn to stop eating fast food because it usually makes my stomach upset. But oh well. Then we went back to her house, where she made 4 boxes of brownies all in one bowl.. a HUGE bowl, I might add. Something about work, or something. So when she put them in the pan I asked if I could eat the extra out of the bowl, because it was coooool, and she said ok.. then after a few minutes, my stomach started to hurt.. see, I had eaten half of the bowl of brownie mix.. keep in mind it was a huge bowl.. and i told her this.. a few minutes later she came over and said:

“Damn! You really did clean out half the bowl! I thought you were lying!”

But I dont lie about crap like that.. I can eat and eat and eat if i wanted to. The only thing that shows how much food i can eat and how fast is that one time i went to pizza hut with my mom and my sister, and i ate 8 pieces of pizza in about 10 minutes. Maybe 15. I dont remember. I also once ate a bar of crisco (actually more like half because i ended up puking) for $3 but I NEVER GOT PAID.Anyhow.. enough about that..

Then anyway we sat around for awhile and autumn took me home. Shes supposed to pick me up sometime tomorrow because she doesnt work.

My mom took me driving today.. Im getting ok, I guess. I drove for over half an hour, in our little city, out in the country, and on a highway. Hopefully I can get my license in september..and hopefully i get a job soon so i can start saving $$$$ bc id have to pay 1/2 my insurance for driving, save for a car, and save to move.. and save for other crap.. but, ya know how it is.Im finally getting a little ambition. Its quite strange because Ive always been sooo lazy.I just hope that all of my trying will get me somewhere.

*sigh* I havent seen or talked to eric since sunday. It kinda ticks me off, but i havent been thinking about it much. See, it used to be where I would sit at home all morning and early afternoon, going to the window to see if he was driving by or something, and I would sleep with the phone at night in case he decided to call me from work (or even at 3 or 4 in the morning when he got off work) and then I just realized that I was always waiting around for him, as he came around whenever he found convenient. I mean, I always knew that but I was always too scared to really think it was true. Scared because he was my boyfriend and I thought I needed him. And usually when I dont hear from him (like now) I would feel really bad, and that would make me wait for him more, or even stay up all night on the chance he would drive by my house after work.. or I would even walk my ass to his house.. but now somethings different..I dont really know what changed, but I feel sooo much better now because I dont feel the urge to wait around for him, and now that I havent heard from him,Im not really stressed. Its so nice to be able to do what I want, and not worry if it would interfere with me being a ‘convenience girlfriend’.But I havent even talked to him .. so I cant really express to him how i feel. I wrote a lot about him.. silly. He frustrates me..

So I guess marcus read my diary entry.. (not the survey) and he said hes all about my idea.. but hes right, it really wouldnt change anything – we couldnt be together physically and we’d always talk online, like always.. I dont know if Im jumping into things, but Im just going with my emotions here. (Which is something I tend to do a lot..) But still, I think it would be cool as hell to officially be able to call him my ‘boyfriend’. See, Id like it, but I dunno if it would change anything between us. (I dont see how it could.. we’ve been through some wierd shit..) but still, Id like to know all of his feelings on it. I know he only wants me to do whats best for ME.. this could be the best things ill ever do–but how do I know?

And for now Im kinda bored, cuz noone is online to talk to me.. so here I am, sitting in my diary, typing another long ass entry. MY FXCKING DOG IS GETTING ON MY NERVES. *ERK*

SO I should go then.. maybe fix up my diary..