Heres a nice entry.. Pt 2

I had to go to church yesterday.. I dont really want to explain the experience, but it was so stupid to me. And i felt so completely violated, and betrayed.. by having to go against my beliefs and the way I feel. I mean, I felt reaaaaaalllllyyyy violated. I mean, people can worship however they want, but I dont think its right to bring someone into it against their will.. but anyway..

Today was a half day, and I had been sick for the longest fucking time, so I took about a 3 hour nap.. and my mom came in my room, and I had the lights off and the radio on.. and she turns on the light and asks “What are you doing?” sounding all pissed and shit.. and I was thinking, *What the hell does it look like Im doing? What a dumb fucking question.. I am laying in bed, my eyes were closed.. I mean, its fucking LOGIC that I am sleeping.* But anyway, she said that I had been sleeping all day.. and again I was thinking: *So?!Sleeping is a good thing, damnit, so stop complaining!Its not my fault I have all this shit to do,and dont get enough sleep during the night!Plus, Ive been sick for like 3 months straight so I think I deserve some sleep! Oh yeah, and I can be suffering from depression, and OCD, and have a fucking anxiety disorder, and all you seem to worry about is whether or not I do the dishes, and whether or not my room is clean. And those are just my mental problems, Im not even gonna START on the physical problems! I think the world is all birds and flowers to you as long as the dishes are clean! So I think I will keep my room spotless, but never sleep again, and never smile again because youre not trying very hard to get me any help for depression, and all the other shit thats going on..but OH WELL!!!*

But, I didnt say any of that because I was tired and its impossible to have a decent convo with me when I just woke up.. then she asked to see my report card, which I got on monday and today is thursday and I havent shown it to her.. but i lied and said i hadnt picked it up till today because i was so lazy.. i have 2 F’s on my report card, and she asked about why i had them.. i told her i didnt have projects done before the 9 weeks was over, but that i turned them in and my grades had improved.. the 2nd part was a lie, but hey, I told her Im a compulsive liar, but she didnt believe me! Isnt that interesting.. but anyway, then she went downstairs because i lied again and pretended like i was sleeping.. I know, Im a bitch. But I think i deserve to be! So then I layed in bed for another hour, and then broke down and finally turned on my tv.. simon called at around 9, but they told him something, im not sure what, maybe that i was asleep.. but i was too damn stubborn to go downstairs and call him back, for sake of my pride and for the sake of not getting in trouble.. then, they went to work and i got online, which leads me to the point where I am right now..

Well, i realize that this entry has gotten pretty long, and I figure that I have written enough… I will write again later, if I get off my lazy little ass and decide to write.. well, CYAZ!