Headachey Day

Today wasn’t a good day. I guess nothing bad happened, but you know how sometimes if you’re in a bad mood everything feels super shitty? Yeah, I wasn’t in a good mood today. Sometimes I feel especially insecure emotionally, and it makes everything not feel right (like I’ll say something or do something and think to myself how dumb or annoying it was, and start to feel bad generally.. ya know?). So yeah, that happened. I do try to keep in mind that nobody’s probably paying attention to me as much as I’m paying attention to myself, so I should just get over it.

We spent most of the morning today dealing with soil. This involved digging holes and looking at the layers of soil, and also getting soil from the different layers and getting it wet (mud! Ta-da!!) so we could analyze the composition of it. Yeah, this involved getting muddy but I liked that part a lot. We also had to do an inventory of some of the trees at the tree bank and dug another hole for a new tree.

This afternoon we went over safety stuff for driving the vehicles, and also talked about phone ettiquete and how to deal with different problems while out in the field (Like if someone doesn’t like the tree they are receiving, if someone invites you inside for cookies, or a group of unsupervised 2nd graders are playing with pick-axes….??). It was kind of tedious but will also probably come in handy a lot. Oh, we also got our team assignments and I’m happy to say that I like everyone on my team. I’ll be working on the "Trees For All" program… I don’t really feel like explaining it right now (it might be kind of boring).

Like I said, I haven’t been in the best mood today. It also doesn’t help that I’ve had a pretty bad headache for the past 2-2 1/2 hours. Is it possible to be easy going and generally relaxed while at the same time worrying about every little thing constantly? It doesn’t seem to make sense, but that’s pretty much how I am. I really wish I either had a sunnier disposition or more motivation. I’ll be the first to admit that I worry about things but take my sweet ass time doing anything productive about whatever’s bothering me. Funny how things like that work, eh?

Maybe I’ll write more later but my headache is kindof distracting.

Oh, I just wanted to add that I’ve been thinking about something:

After I started my new job I wanted to keep a running count of how many times I heard the word "tree". It’d end up being something absurd, right? Like 890,000? Anyway, I mentioned it to someone today and they said I should do it. I have decided not to however, because I don’t want that obsession hanging over my head during every conversation I have for the next 10 months. That’s all!