Beach service***

So Sunday and Monday are our weekends, since we work Tuesday through Saturday. Today we had to work though because it was an Americorps required day of service in honor of Cesar Chavez. We picked up trash at a beach over in Santa Cruz for a few hours today, it was very pretty. Not the trash of course, but the beach.. ehh, anyway.

The worst part was finding old, dirty underwear. They were little kids underwear though, and I can’t decide if that makes it better or worse. Several people also found syringes, and Meghan and I found lawn chairs that had been set on fire. Umm.. aside from that it was a pretty place! Meghan and I climbed down in the rocks that surrounded the lighthouse and I saw some sea urchins (and almost poked them!). After a couple hours of that Monica (the office supervisor manager lady) took some of us out for ice cream. It was pretty good but gave me some crazy indigestion. I guess my organs aren’t as strong as they used to be! It’s probably for the best, because the stuff that makes me feel bad is crappy anyway (fast food, ice cream, etc).

I’m still at a point where, while I kindof want to talk to Ian again, he just ends up pissing me off whenever he looks at me or seems like he wants to talk to me ("he was talking to me out of his face"). I feel bad for being so damn immature about it, but it’s something I’m having a hard time controlling. I guess I just don’t want to give him any kind of hint at all that I’m interested. I know it’s shitty and I’m overreacting, but still. ::sigh:: It’s just so easy to get to a point where I’m withdrawn around certain people (not Ian here, mind you), and it’s hard to break out of that once they expect you to be quiet, you know? Does anyone have any magical advice as far as that goes? I mean, challenging peoples’ conception and expectation of you? I don’t know why it feels so weird, I really shouldn’t care.

So I sent in my application/resume/cover letter for that one job I had mentioned a few entries back. We’ll see if they contact me. They say they get a lot of applications and can really only bother contacting people who might be qualified to set up interviews. If this doesn’t work out I’m sure I’ll find something that will… I have to, right?

I haven’t bought any new music in awhile, but a few days ago I bought a Kimya Dawson album. She did several of the songs on the Juno soundtrack, and her music is really beautiful and creative. Anyway, not sure if you’ve heard of her. Just thought I’d share that.

Oh, I think I mentioned that Logan and Chad from Indiana called me the other day. Today I was sitting outside with my laptop (writing my cover letter) and Tony (from Indiana) called. He was on his way to buy a pet, and it was a surprise to hear from him (especially since I hadn’t gotten calls from any of them the first half of the year). Oh yeah, and I also talked to Andrew a couple of weeks ago.If anyone else feels like calling me feel free!

I really haven’t had any energy lately and have been getting stressed out/cranky pretty easily. It’s so hard to notice all the cool things that are going on when there are inconveniences, you know? I keep thinking about how college was such an awesome time and I didn’t take advantage of it like I should have. I also wish I would’ve tried harder in all of my classes because I know I could have gotten much better grades. I know this kind of regret doesn’t do any good though, so I try not to think about it. Anyway, I just spend too much time being shy/unmotivated, and I’m scared there are a lot of experiences I’m missing out on. It’s easy to realize this but seems crazy to change it in daily life.

Hmm… I have suddenly run out of things to say. I’ll remember to update again soon. Hope you all are doing well!

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A picture that shows the gross undies we found (if you’re interested!) (And YES I am wearing a glove!):

And me at the lighthouse with our trash: