January 14, 2013

WRITTEN BUT NOT SENT

DEAR FRIEND,

WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR MANY YEARS- MAYBE FIFTY OR MORE. MOST OF THAT TIME YOU LIVED OUT OF TOWN SO WE REALLY DIDN’T SEE MUCH OF EACH OTHER.
WE DID TALK ON THE PHONE AT TIMES.
AT TIMES WE WENT TO VISIT YOU OR YOU CAME INTO TOWN AND WE SAW EACH OTHER.
I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE SENSITIVE.
I GUESS YOU STILL ARE AND IT IS HARD FOR ME TO COPE WITH.
YOUR HUSBAND DIED. IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR YOU AS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR MOST OTHER WOMEN. I CAME TO SEE YOU AND YOUR HUBBY A FEW TIMES WHILE HE WAS VERY SICK. I FLEW IN FROM FLORIDA TO VISIT. YOUR HUBBY WAS A SWEET HEART.
NOT WEEKS AFTER YOUR HUBBY DIED YOU STARTED GOING OUT WITH OUR OTHER FRIEND WHO HAD LOST HIS WIFE. I COULDN’T ACCEPT IT AND TOLD YOU I THOUGHT IT WAS WAY TOO EARLY. MAYBE I WAS WRONG TO SAY ANYTHING. AFTER ALL I HAVE A HUBBY AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOSE A MATE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ALONE!
ANYHOW ALL I WANT TO SAY IS THAT I SENT YOU A VERY INNOCENT EMAIL. YOU TOOK IT HARD. WHAT CAN I SAY? IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE UPLIFTING………..SHOWING THE STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION OF A YOUNG GIRL WHO PLANNED AND GOT MARRIED EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS DYING FROM CANCER. WHY DO YOU THINK I SENT IT? TO HURT YOU?
I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND YOU SO I WILL KEEP AWAY. THE MAIN PROBLEM IS THAT MY HUBBY IS VERY GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. WE WILL HAVE TO SEE EACH OTHER AND BE CIVILIZED.
YOU CAME TO FLORIDA AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED TO ASSOCIATE WITH OTHERS AND NOT EVEN THINK OF US. I HAVE HAD YOU HERE FOR SUPPER A FEW TIMES. ANYHOW ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP. I DON’T THINK I WILL PLAY A MAJOR PART IN YOUR LIFE. IT’S TOO BAD BUT I JUST CAN’T COPE WITH YOUR SENSITIVITY AND DRAMATICS. YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST ONE TO LOSE A SPOUSE AND YOU WON’T BE THE LAST. MAYBE I’LL UNDERSTAND IF AND WHEN I LOSE MINE. I DON’T THINK I WOULD CHASE A MAN A FEW WEEKS AFTER MY HUSBAND DIED. YOU ACTED LIKE A SLUT IN MY OPINION. YOU ARE LUCKY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR WHATEVER REASON BY YOUR BOYFRIEND’S FRIENDS.
HAVE A GOOD LIFE. YOU BETTER TREAT OUR FRIEND WITH LOVE AND RESPECT OR YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME.

*hugs* and more *hugs*!

Those kinds of situations are soooooo tough. Wonder why she was offended! May I recommend something? I would completely apologize with fully humility. It is something I struggle with too. I have had a couple friendships kind of go sour because of misunderstandings and pride on both of our parts. For one of them, I finally (after years!) sent an email saying I was really truly sorry for my part

in our problem, and please forgive me. It took so much strength to do that, and not to blame or use any ‘but you…’ comments. Sadly, she never wrote back, but I feel so good about having done my best. There’s one more situation where I felt really hurt by a friend, because she misunderstood something I did. I still don’t have it in me to write to her humbly, because my pride won’t let me

(it was HER fault!). But if I were perfect, I do believe I’d be able to come to her humbly without any blame. I think relationship problems are usually a result of pride on one or both parts. When we let down our walls and show love and humility, the other person almost certainly softens and does the same.

Here on OD we know your heart because you are open. MAybe she doesn’t. Maybe a letter to her saying ‘I love you and I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt you’ would do wonders and give you peace inside? *hugs*

offmychest

January 16, 2013

Glad you didn’t send it but got it off your chest.

TheWoodsprite

I would not want to be friends with someone who voiced their opinions about what I do or did very much either. I figure with our friends, we either say something nice or nothing at all, unless they actually ask us for advice. hugs, Nicky

Texcowgirl

I do understand your feelings. and I would respect it too. Take care