WHY???????????????

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO MISERABLE. WHY CAN’T I ENJOY MY LIFE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I GUESS I NEED SOME MEDICATION BECAUSE I JUST CAN’T CLIMB OUT OF IT ALONE.

I AM CRYING AS I TYPE? WHY????????????????????????? NOTHING HURTS………………

AM I LONELY? I SPENT THE HOLIDAYS WITH FAMILY.

IT SEEMS AS IF I AM ESTRANGING MYSELF FROM EVERYONE. I AM KEEPING A DISTANCE FROM MY GRANDDAUGHTER!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT? I THINK I WILL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY DOCTOR. I HAVE ONE FOR OCTOBER BUT MAYBE I NEED TO GO EARLIER.

I KNOW I KEEP COMPLAINING HERE. WHY???????????? WHAT AM I MISSING? I KEEP THINKING THAT ONE DAY I WILL LOOK BACK AND REALIZE HOW MUCH I HAD TO APPRECIATE. 

DO I NEED TO BE WITH PEOPLE MORE?

MY DIL INVITED ME FOR SUPPER NEXT WEEK BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS. WHY DON’T I JUST ANSWER THAT I’LL COME?????????? DO I WANT ATTENTION FROM PEOPLE AND ESPECIALLY MY CHILDREN?

I HAVE A QUIET DAY AT HOIME. I HAVE A PIANO LESSON AT 3 OTHERWISE NOTHING. SHOULD I BE PLANNING SOMETHING? I KEEP THINKING I’M OK ALONE BUT AM I????????

AM I READY FOR A SENIOR HOME WHERE THERE WILL BE PEOPLE AROUND MOST OF THE TIME? I DON’T HAVE PATIENCE FOR PEOPLE BUT MAYBE HAVING THE OPTIO OF STAYIONG ALONE IN MY ROOM OR BEING WITH PEOPLE WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME.

IT’S SO CRAZY! IF ANYONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME I WOULD BE LIKE THIS I WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT.

SO NOW I WILL EMAIL MY DIL AND TELL HER I’LL COME EVEN THOUGH I DON’T WANT TO GO.