THE PERKS OF BEING OLDER-read

 

 

Put your writing here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

>1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

>

>2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

>

>3. No one expects you to run — anywhere.

>

>4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

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>5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

>

>6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

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>7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

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>8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

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>9. You can live without sex but not without your glasses.

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>10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

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>11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

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>12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

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>13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the

>room.

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>14. You sing along with elevator music.

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>15. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

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>16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

>

>17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather

>service.

>

>18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them

>either.

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>19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

>

>20. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

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>***************************************************************

 SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

>

>1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

>

>2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to

>heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused,

>you shoot him.

>

>3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.

>

>4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

>

>5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.