SO UPSET

So I guess you don’t really want to know why I am upset this time. I guess you just don’t have to read this entry! This is where I need to vent and to complain and to cry and to explain why I am upset. I am sorry if people get depressed reading my entries. I wish I could be HAPPY all the time. That is not me!!!!!!!!!!!! I get frustrated with people. I get annoyed with people. I plain have no patience with people. I am not sorry. I don’t have to explain and make excuses for myself. That is why I do my best to stay AWAY from people. I have no tolerance. I have no patience. I can’t stand people’s values and morals. To me they are so shallow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again I am not sorry and I am not going to apologize for who I am.
      So the first thing that upset me today was I was talking to my SIL. She is my hubby’s older sister. We were talking about her very SICK brother. She admitted that he has always been selfish and self-centered. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have lived so long but for many years he has made my other SIL’s life a hell. He had to eat when he wanted to eat. HE had to have a nap when he wanted to nap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It didn’t matter if they were invited to their child’s wedding. If he planned to nap then just forget it. He was going to nap. I don’t know how or why my SIL put up with him. I remember telling her that she should tell him that if he couldn’t go with her to certain affairs then she didn’t need him. Of course I am sure she never said anything. So my BIL has been sick most of their marriage and now he has been in and out of the hospital for most of the year. She has been busy running back and forth to the hospital, taking him home and then calling an ambulance to take him back. She does have full time care BUT she still wants to be at the hospital day and night. They are spending a fortune. Since I am sure she will go first it won’t matter!!!!!!!!!!!!
          I am so sick about this. Again if it was up to me I would drive to TORONTO and just be there doing whatever I can for her. I always loved her and feel so terrible. I know he should be in some type of nursing facility. I understand that it might kill him but maybe it would save my SIL. I am going to write a "will" and explain to my hubby and children what I want if I get so sick. I do not want to be a horrible burden on my hubby and children. It is just NOT fair. She has been paying a high price and it is time for him to be a mensch! One day soon either she will collapse and he will have to go into a hospital or he will collapse. My heart goes out to her. I met her sister at the show tonight. When I mentioned what was going on her sister said she likes to bury her head in the sand. Believe me I don’t blame her. I just feel so sad and upset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He needs to have dialysis three times a week. Instead if going during the day he is going at six. So someone has to take him and pick him up late. When he comes home he has to eat!!!!!!!!!!! Eat at 12???????????????????? The dialysis tires him out and he wouldn’t be able to do his therapy etc. Couldn’t he nap after the dialysis??????????? What about his poor wife or children who have to go pick him up after a very long day at work or taking care of their children. How selfish can you be????????????????????????????
Lying in bed I started to think that it usually takes two. If she allows him to take advantage of her and run her ragged that is her choice. She has help and she could take hours off everyday.
The other thing that bothered me today was a call with a friend – not a very close friend. I told her a few days ago that I would go with her to the yarn store but wasn’t sure I could go tomorrow. I had made plans to go play cards with hubby’s cousins. However since I was going to be with them this afternoon maybe I wouldn’t go. However while we were together this afternoon I couldn’t think of a good excuse. They are first cousins and enjoy being together. I don’t mind but since I saw them today I thought it was enough. We will be 6 tomorrow so two will have to sit out at a time!!!!!!!! I had explained all this to my friend. Tonight I called her and told her I couldn’t go tomorrow but would plan another day. We chose Wednesday and she asked if she could count on me. Apparently last year I cancelled and I cancelled tomorrow. SAY WHAT??????????????????? I told her right away I might not be able to go tomorrow. She also kept saying that she "loved me to bits" but why do I have to do difficult projects and rush through things. This is not the first time I have been excused of being too quick. Well forgive me. I deserve 100 swats with a hair brush!!!!!!! Just because some people are very slow and anal and perfect doesn’t mean that I have to be. I am going to the yarn store so I can knit most of the scarf there where someone can correct any mistake I make right away. I would like to get it finished. What’s it to her?????????? Anyhow I was very upset when I got off the phone tonight and I am thinking of cancelling our get-together on Wednesday. I don’t need or want to be with her. I have said it before and I’m saying it again I am just NOT good with people. She just gets on my nerves. I think I will call and cancel and tell her the truth if she asks.
So I’ll close for now. I should get to bed.
I couldn’t fall asleep. I got up and went into the kitchen. I STILL HAVE COCKROACHES. I hadn’t seen any for a few days. Tomorrow I will call the exterminator again but it doesn’t seem to help. I am so fed up. They were walking through my dishes so I am washing them. I already changed where my cutlery use to be. I think I will start using plastic like my husband. I think it’s time to go home!