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(COPIED FROM A PAPER JOURNAL)
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4, 2001

Totally exhausted physically and emotionally. PASSOVER A FEW DAYS AWAY. – falls on Shabbos so HARD! So much organizing, cleaning, and shopping to do. I’m not complaining – just explaining why I am so STRESSSSSSED!
Cote St. Luc barbecue – in a booth across from me a couple holding hands – looking into each other’s eyes. PURE LOVE! I wonder or is it just lust??????? I want so much to find a meaning to my life. – a different purpose – a different course. I am reading DESERT SOJOURN – a book about a woman who leaves her son – gets a divorce and goes to live in the desert alone for forty days. – very interesting. I don’t think I would ever choose that. I would be terrified. So for now I will go alone with my well-planned out life. I’m a wife and mother but want to be more. I am an artist. I write poetry! I want to accomplish more in my life. Slowly I am trying to be more religious. I LOVE LEARNING! One day I hope to be going back to Israel. In Jerusalem my soul is alive. I can be religious so easily. There I am ALONE and free to be who I really am. How I pray to GOD that he’ll bring peace there so I can go back.
I am 59 – hard to believe I will soon be 60. – so much to do – so little time. I want to travel! I want to lose weight. Do I need lots of money? Does it bring me satisfaction?
Well, shopping is calling. Carwash, Cavendish Mall. PASSOVER IN THREE DAYS.