I’M STILL A BITCH
Yesterday I went to my last class lecture at the Golden Age. I picked up a friend. My cousin was there. For whatever reason I just about ignored her. I did talk to her etc. but I didn’t go out of my way to talk to her. WHY?????????? I debated about giving her some money like I like I did the last few weeks but I didn’t. Not that I gave her much – maybe 40 once and a few twenties. Enough to cover parking and lunch. Don’t ask me why? Maybe it’s because I have been overwhelmed by all I have to/want to do before I leave for Florida.
Anyhow after the class we go for lunch. I suggested we all go in one car so it would be easier to park. I never worry about parking but my cousin does and it makes me nervous and crazy! I know it’s not her – it’s me. Some were worried we wouldn’t get back by the time the garage closes. It’s no problem. They leave the keys at receptionist. Why couldn’t I mention it nicely?Instead I have to say that we would be back in and hour and just relax – not in those words. My attitude is LOUSY!!!!!!!!!!!
So we went for lunch. They were back in more than enough time and I went to the dentist.
Then I went to Tim Horton and wrote in my notebook the following:
I AM SUCH A BITCH!
I AM SO IMPATIENT!
I AM SO CRITICAL!
I AM SO JUDGMENTAL!
I AM A LIAR AND A SNEEK.
I AM SO "COLD"
I AM SELFISH!
BUT
I AM ALSO CARING!
I AM ALSO GIVING!
I AM ALSO PATIENT!
I AM FORGIVING!
I AM AN ARTIST!
I AM CREATIVE!
I AM SUPER FAST!
I LOVE BOOKS AND READING!
I LOVE TO SPEND MONEY!
I LOVE SWIMMING!
I LOVE TO BE ALONE!
IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT TAKES A FEW TRIES OR MORE!
SO WHAT?
BE CONFIDENT!
DON’T LOOK AROUND!
YOU ARE YOU AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOOK OR BE ANYONE ELSE.
YOU ARE A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.
I AM PROUD OF YOU NOW BUT I KNOW YOU CAN BECOME MORE IF YOU WANT TO.
DON’T CRY! DON’T WORRY!
REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE.
THERE’S SOMEONE WHO NEEDS YOU MORE THAN YOU NEED THEM.
I PROMISE!
FORGIVE ME!
FOR BEING TOO IMPATIENT!
FOR BEING QUICK!
FOR BEING QUICK!
FOR BEING CRITICAL AND JUDGMENTAL!
FOR BEING SUPER IMPATIENT!
FORGIVE ME!
THIS IS PROBABLY MY BIGGEST FAULT!
I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR ANYONE.
FORGIVE ME!
GIVE ME PATIENCE.
GIVE ME STRENGTH.
GIVE ME COURAGE! I WILL NEED IT AS I CONTINUE TO AGE.
I find that the older I get, the less patience I have. People used to tell me that I had too much patience and was a doormat. Now I get told that I am too impatient!!! I think life makes us impatient.
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What a brutally honest self-assessment! I’m so glad you followed it up with affirmations of everything positive within in, and a prayer for continued growth. As always, I am inspired by your honesty and willingness to put your whole self out there.
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random reader…very enjoyable entry….
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Sometimes it’s good to take a good long look at ourselves. If we really looked at ourselves more often, we would know what to accept, keep or change.
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well done
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I like what you wrote. I even have less patience since I have aged. I try to stay as relaxed as possible though. Love,
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Sometimes we are too judgemental on ourselves, but i’m glad that you gave yourself kudos for the things within yourself for what you are proud of. From reading you you are great to family and friends, and there is nothing wrong with honesty and speaking your mind. It’s a strength.
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Stop and live in the moment…that will help with your impatience. But you don’t have to change. Be yourself.
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You must not be as much a bitch as you think you are, cuz you always seem to have people wanting to do things with you! ;o) !! hugs, Nicky
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This entry made me smile but, oh please, a bitch you are not. The older I get the less I give a sh*t. I read your front page. When I found out I had HCV and hadn’t had the biopsy done or blood work yet, I got all my hard copy journals together, and there were many and thick, and trashed them. I read in AARP once about a reader who wished his elderly parent had not left journals. So I thought, yeah, there’s lots of stuff in those journals my children really don’t need to know. Thanks for your notes. You are a sweetie.
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You know I am a pretty patient person most of the time but for some reason, my mother just pushes my buttons. Spending a week with her was a week too much LOL. I love her but MAN oh MAN!!!! 😮
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